Defeated We Rise
by Lily Shouk
Summary: Hermione Granger has always had a perfectly balanced, happy, healthy world in which to live. What if, in one lithe swipe, it all toppled over, and the only one to save her was a certain boy by the name of Draco Malfoy?
1. Default Chapter

Defeated We Rise  
  
  
Chapter One: An Unlikely Friend  
  
  
Defeated, I lie. I am alone in my room, lying on top of my lovely, plush, red   
comforter. Lavender and Parvati were out with Ron and Harry. Parvati and Harry had   
started dating the previous year. She was good for him, because she helped him realize   
that Cedric's death wasn't his fault.  
  
I feel so alone right now. Everything is so very quiet, everything is so   
unbelievably loud. The pounding of my own heart. All I see is the red on my white   
carpet. The red of my own blood, from my own pale wrist. All I had wanted was for them   
to stay, for them to wait. I had just gotten an owl from Dumbledore to go see him in his   
office. I had never been owled to see him before. Harry had, but not I. I hurried up there,   
telling Ron and Harry to wait for me-there was a Hogsmeade trip that day, and I didn't   
want to go alone.   
  
Once I saw the Professor's face I knew that something was terribly wrong. He   
motioned for me to sit, and numbly I did so.   
  
He cleared his throat, fiddled with his glasses, and looked up at me with more   
sadness and emotion than I have ever seen in his eyes before. There was pity, and anger,   
and things that at that moment I couldn't understand. Forever afterward I will. Because   
now my eyes carry that same look.   
  
He fidgeted with his glasses and then clasped his hands together in his lap.   
  
"Hermione, dear, I am very, very sorry to have to bring you this devastating news." He   
paused, and sighed, then continued on. "I was informed, this morning, by owl, that your   
parents.well, they were attacked by Voldemort last night."  
  
I knew that my question was hopeless, but I had to ask, "Are they.still alive?"  
  
"No, Hermione, I'm afraid that they are not. I can only assure you that they died   
instantly, and relatively painlessly."  
  
"The Killing Curse?" I squeaked.  
  
"I'm afraid so."  
  
Then I got up and ran. He expected as much. He managed to press the note into   
my shaking hands before I did so, and then sat back and sighed the weary sigh of the   
defeated as I ran down the staircase and, blinded by my own tears, back to the safety of   
the Gryffindor common room where I expected to find my two best friends, expecting   
them to be there to comfort me. All I found was the note.  
  
  
Mione-  
Sorry we had to leave without you. It was the last train into   
Hogsmeade today, and Lavi and Parvati were begging to go. We'll be sure   
to bring you back a few of the Weasley Wizarding Wheezes, though.   
  
Ciao,   
Ron  
  
P.S. What did Dumbledore want? Is there any more news of   
Voldemorts whereabouts? Sorry to leave you!   
Cheerio, Harry   
  
  
The room was growing dark now. Hazily I wondered if it was nighttime. I   
managed to make out what the clock said. It was only noon.I realized that the muggle   
sleeping pills were taking effect. I had had a few too many. Alright, a bottle too many.   
But Voldemort had destroyed my family, and no one was here.no one cared.no one   
bothered.I realized that I had left both notes in the common room. I couldn't. I had to   
have the last note my parents wrote.  
  
Stumbling down the stairs, I saw the notes. I picked them up, blinded by the   
insistence of darkness eating me whole, and losing all sense of direction, of proportion, of   
sight, I stumbled to the nearest door, opening it, and falling through, landing with a light   
thump in front of a startled Fat Lady. Then, Darkness took his final bite.   
  
  
***  
  
  
"Oh dear, oh dear! Dearie, do stop and help the girl! She's.oh, I really don't   
know what's happened to her!" The Fat Lady let out alarmed clucking noises, while   
waving her hands around manically.  
  
So this was the Gryffindor entrance. I vaguely wondered what was wrong with the   
Mudblood. I knew that I usually wouldn't have lifted a finger to help anyone, but she   
looked like.well, like she was dead. Panicking, I bent down next to her. I noted that a   
small pool of blood was forming on the tiled floor. Her wrist was slashed repeatedly. Her   
clutch on two notes had loosened. I picked them up. Good God. He had gone and done it.   
He had killed her family. So 'He' was my Master. But what had they done? Honestly,   
what had they done?? The second note was from her 'friends'. They hadn't bothered to   
wait. She was driven to desperation. I checked her pulse. It was faint. It was slow. I   
hauled her up, as the Fat Lady scurried from painting to painting, watching us go.   
  
  
  
***  
  
  
Am I dead? Is this Heaven? Or is it Hell?   
  
  
***  
  
  
  
She was waking up. She seemed completely disoriented. I normally wouldn't   
have stayed with someone for three days, especially my archenemy, but no one else had   
come to stay with her. Not Potter. Not Weasley. They had sent cards, and balloons.   
Stupid, meaningless things. But they wouldn't be there to comfort her when she woke.   
No, ironically, it would be a Death Eater who would be doing the consoling. And I   
thought I had rotten friends.   
  
Musing on this thought, I pondered their friendship. I liked to observe them, the   
'Dream Team' as some used to call them. They had been deteriorating, because she had   
been replaced with two brainless idiots. Those girls reminded him eerily of Crabbe and   
Goyle. Even Pansy had more sense than them. Somehow Potter and Weasley didn't   
realize who they'd lost. I mean, she wasn't beautiful, but she had always been there for   
the two of them. I would kill for someone like that. Killing wasn't an over-exaggeration,   
either. I spent my whole summer doing that.   
  
  
***  
  
  
Wait. I'm not dead! I'm not.  
  
The light flooded in. Or maybe I'm just in Heaven. Who's here with me? Slowly,   
I began to realize that I was still alive. Pain will make one re-think their state of being.   
Physical, and emotional. I had thought dying would kill those in one blow. So I must be   
alive.  
  
Who was sitting at the edge of my bed? My eyes began to focus. I struggled to sit   
up. The person jumped up and helped me. I noticed the books he had brought. I noticed   
the cards. The stupid balloons. Then I noticed the eyes. Those menacing, dark, icy gray   
eyes. They could only belong to one person. To Draco Malfoy. I struggled against him,   
out of sheer panic, and fell back onto my stiff hospital pillow. He backed away, with   
hands held up in a way that said, 'Sorry for touching you. Just trying to help' I couldn't   
help but gape. I closed my eyes, and blinked a couple times. When I opened them again,   
he was back to sitting at the foot of my bed. I motioned him forward.  
  
I suppose it was rude of me, but I couldn't help wondering. "Where're Ron and   
Harry?" My voice came out painfully hoarse.  
  
"They said they would be back in a moment. They went to go eat dinner." I could   
tell he was lying.   
  
"Seriously. I know they like to eat.but they wouldn't have left me here.with,   
uh."  
  
"Me?" He grinned back at me.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Ok." He sighed, reminding me eerily of Dumbledore, sighing in defeat. "They   
left you cards, and those balloons there. And I think Harry brought some flowers too,   
but."  
  
"But?"  
  
"They, uh, went back to class, I guess."  
  
I felt like crying at this. Of all the times, why couldn't they just be here? And why   
was he here?  
  
  
"Why are you here, Malfoy?"  
Madame Pompfrey bustled in at that moment. "Because, dear, if he hadn't come   
along at just the right moment, you would be dead. Really! Muggle medicine! You   
always need to read the label on those things.You overdosed, dearie."  
  
I looked up at Malfoy, shock all over my face. Then I looked back at Madame   
Pompfrey. "I read the instructions. I meant to die."  
  
"Now, Hermione, dear.of course you didn't.just get some rest. Mr. Malfoy, I   
suggest you leave her for awhile."  
  
I realized that I needed to at least say something to him. "Madame Pompfrey, can   
I just talk to him for a few minutes?"  
  
"Five minutes. You've got five minutes, Malfoy, then you're out of here." She   
bustled away, clucking to herself.   
  
He looked at me like I was insane.   
  
"I'm real sorry about your parents, Granger. Honest, I am. Why don't I just go tell   
Potter and Weasley you're awake now?"  
  
"Don't bother. If they want to see me.well, they can find their own way. What I   
wanted to say, Draco, was thank you."  
  
He laughed at this. I could tell he thought something was terribly ironic. "You   
don't want to thank me." He paused and seemed to rethink something, before adding,   
"Anyways, you wanted to die."  
  
"I was killing myself because I didn't think anyone would care. Now, I realize   
that you don't exactly.like me.care for me.in fact, you probably would like me   
dead.but thank you.for taking the time, and for staying here for the day or what ever it   
was."  
  
"It was three days, Granger, and I expect some serious repayment!" he paused to   
laugh and I realized he was actually joking. "And you've got a hell of a lot of homework.   
I did some of it for you, since I was doing my own, but it probably isn't in as good of   
shape as you'd like. I'm real sorry about your parents."  
  
"Thank you." I don't know why, but I grabbed his hand, and gave it three   
squeezes. That was something I had done back at home with my parents during grace. It   
was a code we had, and in our family, it meant 'I love you'. Now, I don't love Draco   
Malfoy, by any means, but it felt like the right thing to do. So I did it.   
  
He bowed, acting over-gentlemanly, kissed my hand, then wrecked the moment   
by saying, "Get some sleep, kiddo," and winking at me. Somehow, despite the fact that   
my parents were dead and I was barely half-alive, my friends weren't here and my   
archenemy was the only one to save me, somehow he still sent me into a fit of   
hysterics.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
I hurried out of there, expecting Madame Pompfrey to come around the corner   
reprimanding me at any moment. Instead, she just smiled, and handed me a large bar of   
chocolate. It was good chocolate, too.   
  
Heading down for dinner, I saw Potter and Weasley. I decided I should just go   
ahead and tell them that she was up. They didn't know I had been up there the whole   
time, because Madame Pompfrey had had the foresight to hide me when she heard them   
coming.   
  
"Hey, Potter, Weasley."  
  
They looked at me like I was crazy. They had spite in their eyes, and they   
motioned for their girls to go find them seats.  
  
"Yeah? What do you want, Malfoy?" This was Ron.  
  
"I just wanted to tell you that Hermione's awake now." I called her by her first   
name simply to make them mad. They were easy to infuriate.  
  
"How would you know?" Harry was looking a little worried. I had to admit that   
he had spent longer in the infirmary with Hermione. He had left her roses and a long   
note. And he had talked to her, as if she were awake and listening. They had been words   
of a truly caring friend.   
  
"Because if I hadn't found her in the corridor, Potter, she would be dead. You left   
her for fucking Hogsmeade! And I had brought her her books and assignments, and just   
happened to be there when she woke. You couldn't even bother to stay with her! She was   
out for three bloody days and all you could do was send her a card and some flowers!" I   
wasn't quite sure why I was getting this angry, and I was having a hard time acting like I   
didn't care. I felt a bit mental, and from the way they were looking at me, they thought I   
was.   
  
Harry looked a little ashamed, but angry that I was getting on him. "And you did   
more, did you?"  
  
"Did I do more? I saved her life. I sat there. Day and night. I left twice. Once to   
tell Dumbledore where I was, and once to go get her all her assignments so I could start   
working on them for her! She lost her parents, for Christ' sake! You, of all people, Potter,   
should understand that!"  
  
Harry now looked completely ashamed. "I do, Malfoy. Thanks for telling us.   
Sorry I underestimated you.I didn't realize it was so bad...Christ, I've been a fucking   
ass!" he turned and headed towards the hospital wing, trying to re-obtain his 'Hero'   
status.   
  
I went and sat down next to Pansy who smiled adoringly at me despite the fact   
that I hadn't showered in three days, and had a deadly scowl smacked across my face. I   
was a Death Eater after all, and Pansy's only goal in life was to marry a rich, evil,   
conniving Death Eater, and, unfortunately, I was, at present, the only one who seemed to   
fit that bill. Naturally, if she had known that I had saved a mudblood's life, I probably   
would no longer fit her ideals. Thinking of this, I had to strongly resist telling her, simply   
because I knew my father's reaction would be anything but pleasant.  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. What Disguise is This? Can I Trust You?

  
  
Defeated We Rise  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Two: What Disguise is This? Can I Trust You?  
  
  
Sighing, I pulled back the large, white bandage covering my arm. It had been two weeks since my parents death, two weeks since Draco Malfoy had said a word to me, two weeks since I slashed up my arm, two weeks in which I was, by all accounts, healing, and surrounded by kind, caring, loving people.   
  
Yes, it had been two weeks. It had been two weeks since Voldemort had brutally minimized my family to a size of less than one (for he killed part of me as well, and got some of my blood on the Gryffindor carpet to prove it). It had been two weeks in which Harry and Ron had abandoned their girlfriends to the extent that they threatened to break up with them (at which point Ron ran off, chasing Lavender and yelling to her.........he didn't return for a good 48 hours). Parvati had hoped Harry would do the same, but Harry had stayed, until I forced him to leave me alone because I wanted some peace, and I didn't want to wreck his other relationships. It had been two weeks in which the closest thing Malfoy did to acknowledge my existence was sneer, then turn back to his rather cold and gloopy morning porridge.   
  
It had been two weeks and I was feeling sufficiently healed. Today I would return to my classes, beginning with double Potions. I knew I didn't have to go, but, truth be told, it had been two weeks full of obsessive dreams of Malfoy. They always made me feel sick, and it was, more often than not, these dreams that kept me from eating, not the death of my parents. I figured if I returned to the hellish dungeons and heard his cold sneers once again, they might cease to exist.   
  
I pulled my black robes over my head, blew dry my long, thick, wiry hair, actually bothered with a bit of makeup to hide my under-eye shadows, then practically tripped down the stairs to breakfast. Recently, demons had lurked in every shadow. In every closet, in every classroom, in every empty moment of every empty day. They were mainly figments of my imagination, quite often demons inside of myself, wanting, begging me to lash out and see my blood once again. I felt, sometimes, the urge to cut simply to get out blood that my parents never got to shed upon their deaths.   
  
Pushing darker thoughts as far back in my mind as they would go, I fought off the incessant cooing of every girl in the entire school. They clung to my arms like ticks to a dog's scalp. I just wanted them to act like nothing was wrong. More than having no one to comfort me, I hated having people pretending to comfort me, when really, they didn't give a shit. It was all too much when Pansy Parkinson joined in. Forgetting breakfast I let out a slightly strangled scream and headed straight for the dark, dank, and normally lonely, dungeons.   
  
They still smelt of mildew and peppermint, they still looked like the world with the last ray of sunlight peeping through, the floors were still grimy, hideous cobblestones that tripped your feet and your chair legs. For the first time, I connected with them. The picture they painted before me replicated the picture painted within myself. I let out a small grin and slid into my seat. Snape was nowhere to be found.   
  
Pulling out quill and ink and parchment and notes and books, I found myself too preoccupied to notice the sound of footsteps echoing off the stony walls.   
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
I saw them cling, I saw her cringe. In the past two weeks I had silently watched, resigned to returning to the role of who I was. I watched as Pansy went forward, pretending to console as I knew she inwardly gloated at the destruction of Granger-she had told me her dad had been there to see them die.  
  
Granger always was smart, and knew that this was a lie of false affection. She let out a strangled scream and ran. Ron and Harry looked after her, but she motioned for no one to follow. No one did.   
  
As casually as I possibly could, I slid back my chair. Pansy asked my in a slithery sort of voice where I was going. I replied calmly that I had a headache and I was going to repose in my room. After all, the Slytherin house is in the dungeons. It wasn't a lie, really. I did have a headache. But I wasn't about to make it past the first dungeon-the Potions one.   
  
Walking as quietly down the steps as possible I came and was almost level with her before she noticed she wasn't alone. I saw the way she gripped the pen and ink, and knew that no matter what I said she would attack, because she was angry and she was sad and she was still very much alone.   
  
"Granger." I didn't say more. I didn't need to. I wasn't worried, really, about her hurting me. She had no intention of using her wand. She just needed a punching bag of sorts.   
  
She whipped herself around, glaring up at me with a strange look in her eyes. I couldn't decipher it for the life of me. Then she had stood up, her eyes level to my shoulder blades, glaring up at me with hate and passion and want. Yes, that was the look in her eyes. I'm sure mine mirrored hers exactly.   
  
"Malfoy!" She lunged, scratching my body with the point of her quill, making designs of ink and blood upon my pale skin. Then she threw it aside, along with a full ink bottle, and commenced to punching and hitting at my chest with all her might. She had her ink, and my blood, all over her fair little hands, and I knew that she would collapse in a moment. So, when she did, I grabbed her by both arms, and hauled her through door after door to the 17th dungeon, where the Slytherin common room lay.   
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
I didn't notice him until it was really too late. He spoke my last name in a harsh 'Granger.' I lunged. I don't know why; I don't hate him, really I don't. But he haunts me, and his father hurt me, hurt my family, maybe even witnessed the death of my own father. And so, I had to strike back. I was sick of not feeling, tasting, seeing blood. If not my own, then his. I scratched and wrote and dug and felt it well up and I felt it smeared against my palms and on my face and in my mouth. Then that was done, and I was left to crying and hitting, hopeless, shattering pounds.   
  
I felt myself weakening. Maybe I should've stayed in my room today. He steadied me with his bleeding arms, and in his touch I felt no hate and felt immediately remorseful for what I had done. He carried me along. It was a long trip. I felt myself slipping. He cleansed my hands in a bucket of ice cold water, washed my face gently with the tip of a terry-cloth towel, and lay me down on a bed. All I remember is the green.  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
She sat in a stupor, muttering vague 'I'm sorrys' to me every few minutes, and as soon as I had her hands clean she would reach out to my own wounds with a look of hurt in her eyes as if she, too, was feeling my pain, as if it were her own, and I believe it was. Then her hands would come away, covered in blood once again. The process repeated for God knows how long. Finally she became too tired, and as I cleansed her face I watched her eyes close and soon she had fallen over, and I pulled her up and tucked her under my green comforter and I went to tend to the wounds her quill had caused.   
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
The first thing I saw, clearly, were his eyes. I let out a small shriek of shock, and he pressed his finger to my lips to quiet me. Then I remembered and I realized that the reason I was seeing green was because I was far, far away from the Gryffindor common room.   
  
I wondered how long I had been asleep, how long I had been in Draco Malfoy's dorm room. But my brain was still fuzzy, and I couldn't bring myself to articulate a question.   
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
She was just sort of sitting there, on my bed, halfway looking at me, and halfway looking far beyond. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, so I decided to talk. I had a theory about her. I was beginning to think that if someone didn't help her, really help her, love her, treat her well, she would go insane. The fact that she had attacked me only proved my point. However, I didn't bring any of that up.   
  
"So, Granger, you feeling better now?" I tried to keep the sneer out of my voice, but it was such a habit I found it sneaking up on me.   
  
She sniffled and turned towards me. She came and sat next to me on the bed, and asked, in a dazed way, "Why did you do that? Why put up with me?"  
  
I pondered this. I couldn't tell her that it was because I felt like in some way this was helping to repent me for all the evil things I had done. I didn't really know what to say.   
  
"I guess I understand, somehow, what you are, uh, going through. Yeah, I still have two parents...but I...I dunno, Granger, I dunno..."  
  
She gazed thoughtfully at me, and then reached out her hand and traced the long, jagged mark she had made across my right arm.   
  
"So, Malfoy, you're a Death Eater..."  
  
I didn't expect that one. I jumped, and didn't know what to say. So I stayed silent.  
  
"I saw the Mark when..." She didn't finish the sentence because we both knew the rest. She continued on. "Did you know my parents were going to die? Were you, in fact, there, witnessing it? And why, being what you are, are you here, being nice to me? What do you plan to do to me, and why don't you just get it over with?" She was now completely focused and I saw the intensity, the strength, and the all-too-familiar hate burning in her eyes.  
  
I turned to her. I wasn't sure she would believe me, but I had to try my best.  
  
"Hermione, I swear to you that I had no idea that He planned to do that to you. I'm...new...at this, and so they don't tell me very much. I have no...evil....intentions with you. I just happened to be there when you fell out of the portrait hole, and I happened to see how much you needed help. If you would prefer me to leave you alone, and silently watch you drive yourself insane, then, fine, I will. But for your sake, and mine, come on, admit that you need help."  
  
She stood up and stared down at me. "Yeah, right, I need help, and the only one who can help me is a fucking Death Eater, who, through association, basically killed my parents!"  
  
Then I realized that my life was in her hands. If she told anyone, I would be sent to Azkaban for life. Obviously, I didn't want that.   
  
She was backing out of my room, with her eyes constantly on me.   
  
"Hermione, that's not fair, come back here and at least hear me out!" I stood up, beginning to get angry myself. After all I had done for her!  
  
Lunging forward, I grabbed her by both arms, and pulled her back to the bed. She was now sufficiently scared.  
  
"I-I just want to go to P-Potions..."  
  
"Shouldn't have attacked me, then, hmm?"  
  
"But, Malfoy, I honestly didn't mean to...I just..."  
  
"You just?"  
  
She hung her head. "Malfoy, I don't understand you and don't believe I ever will." She was using her last reserve of strength. "But the only thoughts going through my head at the moment I attacked you were of hate, and of want...for blood. And it had to be yours, or my own. Sorry." She shrugged her shoulders non-commitally.   
  
"Granger, I still don't fucking get it. Sit down." I shoved her down.  
  
She whimpered. I remembered that her wand was in the Potions room.   
  
"Malfoy, haven't you done enough to my family as it is? Can't you at least let half a person live?"  
  
"Finally accepting that mudbloods don't count as wholes?"  
  
"Hell, no. What I'm saying, is, that you didn't just kill them. You killed part of me, too. Which was, of course your intention. So, congratulations, you've succeeded, can you please stop messing with me now?"  
  
"No."  
  
She fairly gawked at me.  
  
"Because I didn't do it. And I'm sorry they did. But I feel its my duty to not let them succeed in destroying you...so I'm going to bother you, and mess with you until you're back to being as close to who you were before. You may not want me to, but I'm not satisfied with Potter's efforts, so you'll just have to live with it."  
  
"I can't believe you. How do I know you didn't do it?"  
  
"You'll find out that the time that it took place at was around our dinner time. And I was at the Slytherin table...waiting for those dungbombs to go off beneath your own..."  
  
"That's your alibi?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
She sagged from the exhaustion of arguing with me, and lazily traced over the jagged scar on my arm again. I liked the feeling of her skin touching mine.   
  
"Do you have the faintest idea what you're doing? How do you know how to help me, Malfoy?"  
  
"I don't know. I just...read you. I understand. You've just gotta trust me."  
  
"I might find that hard to do."  
  
"Trust me, and if, in a month, you aren't at least a little better than you have been, you can tell me to stop and I will."  
  
She sighed. "Alright, Malfoy, I'll trust you..." She looked at me with the exhaustion of someone who not only spent all of their energy, but went into great debt borrowing more from the bank. It was catching up on her and she was declaring bankruptcy. So when her eyelids started to close, I wasn't shocked, and I watched her, watched the stricken Messenger, fall asleep in the Dragon's lair...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Tell Me Your Story

Author's Note: Wow! I really want to thank all of you for your overwhelmingly wonderful reviews! And so many of them! God, I LOVE you!! One of you was sweet enough to care about *my* state of being, and I would just like to reassure you all, that I am simply the author, and while I have plenty to build upon to create this story, I don't draw upon self-experience when it comes to Hermione's mental state, or the loss of her parents. I decided that I've got to put Ron and Harry into the story more, and make sure they are portrayed as the good people they are...anyways, I'm sure you'll understand everything once you get reading and if you're still reading this author's note, I command you stop, because it's worthless blabber. Oh, and, obviously, none of the characters are my own. But the plot is.  
  
  
  
  
  
DEFEATED WE RISE  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Three: Tell Me Your Story  
  
  
  
  
  
After taking several secret passages even Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony and Prongs hadn't known about, I had gotten safely back to the Gryffindor common room and only had to tell a few lies before being safely in my room. I was quietly going over the days' platonic events, I certainly had plenty to mull upon. It was then that I heard the small rap-a-tap-tap on my door. I recognized it as Ron's usually boisterous knock much quieted down.  
  
For a moment I felt like pretending to be asleep, but I knew it was awfully kind of him to take time out from his hectic schedule (which consisted of Quidditch, Lavender, Quidditch, Lavender, and more Lavender, with an occasional side of schoolwork) and come check on me. He had been out with Harry practicing their newest Quidditch techniques when I had returned, leaving me only to deal with Ginny's worried glances and occasional stuttering questions.   
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Er, Mione, can I come in for a moment?"  
  
"Sure, Ron." I threw back the covers I had been hiding under and trudged over to the door, which I kept locked at all times. I pulled back the lock and let him in with a little half-smile.   
  
He grinned and came in, and then just sort of stood there, his hands deep in his pockets, his eyes glued to the floor. Then he abruptly looked up and said, "So what happened this morning? Ginny told me that you had spent most of the afternoon talking with McGonnagal. Are you alright?"  
  
I motioned for him to sit down on my bed, next to me. He gratefully did so, and then looked at me with his periwinkle-blue eyes, in a most concerned and searching manner.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess." I paused. I wasn't, and he knew it. "No, I'm not alright. I-well, McGonnagal helped, you know, by listening to me, but...oh, I dunno, Ron!" I sighed in exasperation.   
  
He reached over and enveloped me in a hug, and started telling me about his day, which was, clearly, his way of trying to help me feel better.  
  
"Today Hagrid came back from visiting Maxime, and, oh, 'Mione, you wouldn't believe it! He brought another hippogriff with him, and ooh, I wish Malfoy had been there! I would've loved to see the look on his face, but he was gone all day. Not that I minded. I just thought it was a little weird, you know, and I didn't particularly appreciate Pansy's snarling looks our way. Wonder what that was about...Harry and I figured out this new move, it's a bit like the Wronski feint, only, it's a little bit harder, and it'll probably be the death of Malfoy, thank god. Oh...and Lavi and I...we, well, things didn't work out so well..."  
  
I wished he would stop mentioning Draco. Naturally, he hadn't realized that this would affect me in the least. I was a little preoccupied but it felt good to be the comforting friend for a change, so I 'Oh, Ron'd!' him, and I cooed, and told him it was for the best, and I gathered the knowledge that she had broken it off with him. I knew he wouldn't have broken it off with her, he was too attached, but I had seen the way she looked at a certain Hufflepuff seventh year.   
  
"Listen, 'Mione, I'm really worried about you. You look as if you've lost almost twenty pounds! You never come to meals, and when you do, you rarely eat. You've lost all interest in your schoolwork, and..." He paused and looked me square in the face before continuing. "I know I haven't been the best friend as of late, and I'm really sorry, and I swear I'll make it up to you, and I know I'm not the most observant guy-"   
I snorted at this. Understatement.  
  
"-But, listen...thatwristofyourssimplyisn'tgettingbetter! It's a new bandage, there are more cuts. 'Mione, I know you've lost your parents. I know your world has been shattered and I know that I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it all must be...but for your own sake, Christ, for everyone's sake, this has got to stop!"  
  
"I know, Ron, I know..." I sobbed onto his shoulder. I took a deep breath and continued. "And I'm trying. I really am. I don't like the state of my wrists any more than you do! I just...oh, you simply wouldn't understand!"  
  
"Try me." I had never seen him in so much earnest before, or so serious. His mothering abilities, the few characteristics he got from his mum, were becoming wonderfully apparent in this moment.  
  
"Well...you see, Ron...my parents didn't shed any blood in their deaths. I feel this insane urge to avenge their death, with, if not my own blood, someone else's! And that's simply too dangerous. I, well, can't go around attacking people when I'm upset, now can I?"  
  
"Nor can you attack yourself! 'Mione, be like Harry. Take a leaf out of his book, and avenge all evil with your strength! Don't let them see you weak!"  
  
I laughed. Don't let them see you weak. They? Draco. Know thy enemy. I knew him, and somehow, I was embracing him. I was at his mercy. I was an idiot. Take a page from Harry's book indeed. "Harry has some awesome courage, Ron. You've no idea."  
  
"Harry didn't know his parents, 'Mione. You've got every right in the world to be sad, to be angry, to feel weak. But next time, will you come talk to me? I wanna help you, k?"  
  
"Alright..." I got up and gave him a hug, and he patted my back, and I knew, while he didn't say it, that he really did love me, and that he was there for me. But still...something was lacking...  
  
"Listen, why don't you wash your face up and come down for supper? I'll save you a seat, hmm?"  
  
"Sure. I'll be down in a few minutes..." I gave him a slightly stronger smile, simply so that he would feel like he had truly helped me, even if I didn't really feel like he had.   
  
As he shut my door I noticed the insistent tapping on my windowsill. An owl was impatiently waiting.  
  
I walked over and let the owl in. It was a magnificent, shiny, purply-black owl, with large, greenish eyes, and awesome talons. The letter was attached to its leg with silver and green ribbon, and bore the mark of Slytherin. I untied the letter, and the owl flew off, not accepting any payment. It was clearly Draco's.  
  
  
I unwound the letter, which was wrapped in a very old and traditional wizarding fashion, rather than the contemporary muggle way, of envelopes. It was written in deep green ink, and in the meticulously neat handwriting of Draco Malfoy.  
  
  
Granger-  
  
Meet me in the Tower promptly after dinner. I expect you to go to dinner, and to eat. Eat until you are full, and bring a thick cloak or blanket with you to the Tower.  
  
D. Malfoy  
  
  
  
  
It was short and characteristically like him. Ordering me around! I twisted the letter in my hands nervously. I wasn't sure why I was even trusting him. He was a self-admitted Death Eater, he was my enemy, and while he swore he wasn't there to witness my parent's death, it really should be his mission to be killing me right about now, since I am a 'mudblood'. I knew why I was trusting him. He was enigmatic, he was persuasive, and he had been the one to 'save' me. Somehow, Draco Malfoy had fallen into the 'hero' role, and, as quite often happens, I had fallen almost happily into the 'damsel in distress' part of the deal. The only problem with that was that, first off, he was about as far from a hero as one could get, and, two, I was rarely a damsel in distress. It was all very twisted and I knew that if I was confused he must be too, and I couldn't help but wonder where his loyalties lay most. If they lay mainly with his father and Voldemort, as it appeared, I was surely as good as dead.   
  
However, I dutifully went to wash my face, as Ron had prescribed, and then I went down to dinner with a glaze in my eyes, and, with absolutely no zest whatsoever, began to shovel food into my mouth until I thought I would burst. I didn't even realize what I was eating, until George burst out angrily,  
  
"Hermione! You just ate all of our berry pudding! I really wanted a bit of that!"  
I looked at him confused, looked down at the empty platter in front of me, shrugged my shoulders and said, "There always is more, isn't there?" as I got up from the table to leave. Had I been paying closer attention I would have noticed the way Harry's eyes followed me out of the hall, as they had followed Draco only a moment before. But I wasn't.   
  
  
  
*  
  
  
I was nervously pacing the Tower, waiting for her to arrive. I wasn't sure where I stood, why I was being the greatest idiot alive at the moment, and why I felt compelled in the first place to help her. I heard her footsteps, and stopped pacing. She came into view, red cloak billowing behind her. I nodded hello.   
  
She came and stood next to me and I wondered why I had asked her to come.  
  
"So what'd you want to see me about?"  
  
I looked over at her, face illuminated by the waning half-moon.   
  
"Sit down."  
  
She sat, and I followed suit.  
  
"Listen, Granger, I guess I wanted to help you draw up a...plan. To help you fight the demons that are lurking."  
  
"That's sweet of you." She looked at me with a deadpan face, then, when she noticed I was not in a laughing mood, zoned off and began to stare nonchalantly at the moon. "Why does it wane?"  
  
"Because everything runs in a cycle. It reaches the top and then must go down again. Surely you knew that, Granger?"  
  
"Of course. I just wonder how it knows when it's reached the bottom and when to go up again."  
  
"You've got to get your cycle going up again."  
  
"What if it isn't time?"  
  
"It is."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because I say it is."  
  
"Malfoy, don't we wish the world were that simple?"  
  
"It is. If you believe something strongly enough, you can create it. If you look at the world through rose colored glasses, the world will be rosy. If you cover your eyes, you will see no world. If you decided you're sick of being upset and angry, you can change that. But only if you want to."  
  
She cocked her head and looked at me, contemplating something. "But whether the world is rosy or non-existent to you, it's still there, and it's still the same world. I can see where you're coming from, but the world is the world is the world. There are things that are as unchangeable as night and day and the moon and sun. I know that if I wish to change my state of being, I can, so I guess you're sort of right. I'll admit that much. But there's something I just don't understand. If you believe all this, why do you do what you do? Isn't there another way? Can't you change that, too?"  
  
"Granger, maybe there is another way. But you've got to understand that there is a lot I've been raised to believe. Most of it, I agree with. I hate muggles and mudbloods. Yes, I hate you! I fucking hate you, alright? It's not going to change! Being on the inside, I know exactly why they do the things they do. Yes, I knew your parents were earmarked to die. I disagreed with that. Because they were killed to get at you, who in turn would get at Potter. I knew it wouldn't work, but I'm still a novice. So now you're destroyed and Potter's fine, and if there is anything in the world that I hate more than you, more than your kind, it's Potter. So I've got to save you. So I will."  
  
"Malfoy, it sounds like you need more help than I do."  
  
I snorted and sneered at her. She was really very naïve. She continued on.  
  
"You hate me, so why don't you just kill me and get me out of the way? I can guarantee that that will affect Harry. So why is it that you save me instead? There's more to this than you're willing to let on."  
  
"Wrong again, Granger. Maybe I will just kill you. I thought you might appreciate it if I tried alternate methods first." I sneered again.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, Malfoy, stuff it up. I really don't have time to deal with this. If you want to help me, then you've got to let me understand you, otherwise I'll never, ever trust you."  
  
"One month, Granger."  
  
"Tell me your story."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Alright, it's a little bit short, and it's still a cliffie, but I just had to stop there...mainly because I can't afford to write anymore tonight, because I've got homework overload and while I am a procrastinator...it's got to get done. Now, I've done my part, you do yours, and REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!  
  
~*Peace*~  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. At Which Point Harry Enters the Picture....

A/N: I'm on a roll with this, I tell you! The ideas just keep coming and coming and coming...anyways, I'm happy with that and you're happy with that and not much has changed since yesterday so I'll quit annoying you and you can start reading....  
  
Oh, yeah...everything except the plot belongs to JK Rowling  
  
  
  
DEFEATED WE RISE  
  
  
  
Chapter Four: At Which Point Harry Enters the Picture...  
  
  
  
It was awfully strange being so close to him, and talking to him like this. I watched as he mulled over where to begin, his cloudy gray eyes boring into mine.   
  
"Tell you my story? What is there to tell?" he paused and looked at his lap, and I knew that, just like I trusted him, he, for that unfathomable reason, wanted to tell me. "I was raised in a household with two parents who didn't love each other, because their marriage had been arranged. My father had a different lady come to visit him weekly. My mother often takes long vacations to Paris, where she meets up with some guy named Pierre. My own marriage was arranged before my birth. My parents refuse to tell me whom it is they're marrying me off to, but it's mapped out. I agree with my parents' ways, I agree with their beliefs, I wholeheartedly think this planet would be a better place without the likes of you around; except for their beliefs on love. I won't marry some rich bitch I've never met!" He paused, took a deep breath and continued, "I was initiated when I turned 13. It was the best moment of my life. I killed my first muggle that night. Yeah, that's right, Granger. I'm a blood-thirsty bastard and that's my life. Your turn."  
  
I looked at him with wide eyes. I knew he was a Death Eater, but the thought of him actually killing someone had never crossed my mind. I began to feel sick. I swallowed hard and thought about my own life instead.  
  
"Well...when I was a kid, I was always sort of the outcast because I was 'weird'-I grew up with muggles, and, at that point, didn't know there was another way to be...so some of the things that I brought about confused me. I saw a lot of psychiatrists when I was little. Mum and dad, they were dentists, muggle tooth doctors, that is. They ran their own practice, and I spent all my summers working there, filing papers and such. When I got my letter accepting me to Hogwarts, my parents...well, after getting over the initial shock, were incredibly supportive. They told all our relatives that I had been accepted into some prestigious American academy or something. Then I met Harry and Ron...and I guess you basically know the rest. There really isn't anything else to add."  
  
I looked over at him, looking at me. We sat like that for what seemed like eons, staring at each other, and trying to make sense of what exactly we were doing. I won't pretend it was a particularly magical moment, because it wasn't. We were just staring, that's all.   
  
He reached over and began to unwrap the bandage on my left arm. I just watched as he peeled layer after layer of white cloth off, and then threw it aside.   
  
"Granger, why are you doing this to yourself?" the way he looked at me, I could tell that it hurt him to see my arm like that; the way he said my last name made it sound sweeter than in the past; I finally realized that the difference was that Malfoy actually seemed to care.  
  
"I..." I looked up at him. He was holding my wrist, gently, in his two hands, and tracing over my scars much as I had traced over his only this morning. It was, on the whole, a very strange experience, because I knew that the same hands that were handling my own so gently, so kindly and carefully, joyfully killed my kind, would joyfully choke the life from those like me; had done so, apparently.   
  
I looked up at him in confusion. "Malfoy, I'm so confused! You say you hate me, yet you help me, save me, force life back into me! And worst of all, I don't know why it is that I go along with it all so readily! I hate you, too, you know! I-I just don't understand what we're doing..."  
  
He looked at me with a sort of half-grin on his face, as he moved a little closer towards me. His voice was much softer than usual, it had taken on a strange, enigmatic quality that I had heard him use very few times, and never to me. "I've been thinking a lot about all of that too, you know. I think it's because the blind lead the blind, and we're the only two blind souls around. Or maybe we're the only ones who see."  
  
"Malfoy, this is what I don't understand about you. You seemed always so sure in your path-you were Malfoy heir, you were cruel and cold, conniving. You were, clearly, working towards the great Slytherin dream of being Voldemort's right hand, or whatever. You had it all planned out, so meticulously, and then, suddenly, here you are, helping me fight my battle, which, if you help me win, will destroy everything you work towards. I'm afraid I'm a little confused..."  
  
"Granger, this is what I don't understand about you. You seemed always so sure in your path-you were top of the class, top of the grade, top of the school. You were part of the little trio of heroes. You were bright, happy, and scornful of everything dark, evil and messy. You had all these great walls of support built up. You were strong. Then, there I am, walking along, simply minding my own fucking business, and you topple out of a portrait bloody and almost dead. And that is where everything got so damn confusing."  
  
"Tell me what was so confusing about that? You wanted me dead, why couldn't you just walk on and pretend like you hadn't seen me?"  
  
"Because..." He looked once more into his lap, pausing, obviously not particularly wishing to say whatever it was he was about to. "Because, Granger, you may be a mudblood, you may be everything I hate, but you're so damn admirable. You're loyal, which is more than I can say for most people I know, you're sweet, and even when your dearest friends leave you for two halfwit girls, you're still forgiving. You're the Dark Lord's worst enemy, not Harry, only no one seems to have realized it. And while I'm not being particularly loyal to Him in helping you regain your strength, I'm being loyal to me, because, first off, it would be an awesome battle to watch, and secondly, as a...boy...and as a human, when I look into your eyes I see boy to girl, not pureblood to mudblood. I see equal to equal, because you're the only person I've ever met who can challenge my wit. And I figure if I let that die, I'd be awfully bored."  
  
I looked at him, and grinned. I felt like I had in the infirmary with him, and I mimicked his earlier self, commanding,  
  
"Stand up." He looked at me questioningly, but did so. I followed suit, and then I wrapped him in a hug.  
  
It was at this very moment that Harry came bursting, out of breath, into the Tower.   
  
"What the hell are you doing, Malfoy?" He had clearly been running for quite awhile, and had his wand pointed straight at Draco's chest.  
  
"Harry, please just put the wand down. I can explain...I think."  
  
Harry looked over the situation again, and realized that when he had bombarded upon us, we had been quickly getting out of an embrace-that Draco hadn't been attacking me.   
  
"What the hell is going on?" This time he spoke in an almost awed whisper, drawing each word out so that it was long and slow.   
  
I looked at Draco, but his face had completely closed off to me and was sneering coldly at Harry. I was on my own with this, apparently.   
  
"Well..." I took a deep breath and took a step closer to Harry. "You see, Harry...Dra-I mean, Malfoy's been...well, you see, he saved my life."  
  
Harry was looking at me suspiciously, but still seemed to prefer to lay all the blame on Draco.   
  
"Yeah, Hermione, I know he saved your life. But that doesn't mean you have to go meeting him in Towers at odd hours of the night. It doesn't mean that you have to spend the whole bloody day with him, and then lie to all of us by saying that you were with McGonnagal! Maybe Ginny, who doesn't know you so well, maybe Ron, who's got a lot of his own problems to deal with, maybe they think that that was a perfectly reasonable excuse. But I, Christ, Hermione, I'm one of your best friends and I notice when too many odd 'coincidences' add up. For the last time, what's going on?"  
  
"Nothing's going on, Harry. We were just talking, alright? Don't worry, its not like he's going to hurt me..." Thankfully, Harry didn't notice the snort Draco let out at the irony of this statement. "He's simply being a...friend, alright? I know that you and Ron both have a lot going on in your lives right now, and I don't want to bother you too much. I know the two of you aren't the best of friends," They both snorted at this one. "but please, can you just let me be friends with the both of you?"  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
I noticed the way his eyes melted at her plea. I concentrated on keeping my face completely emotionless, even though my insides were completely shook up, because now that someone knew we were meeting, things could get much more complicated.   
  
"Listen, Hermione, how about you leave me to talk to Malfoy for awhile, alright?" I saw her look at him skeptically, then look over at me, seemingly trying to gauge how safe of a choice that would be, for Harry's sake.  
  
"Uh, Draco, promise you won't kill him?"  
  
I looked at her, and, even though I knew Harry was watching, I let my mask fall a little and I gave her a half-smile. Then I shrugged and answered truthfully. "Depends on my mood."  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
In shock I watched, as the stony glare left his face and he actually smiled at her. He looked almost human when he did that. He answered her with a "Depends on my mood." I knew I was definitely missing something.   
  
She looked back at him, looking a little bit too stern, and a little bit like McGonnagal, before she broke out in a smile. She had seemed to be searching his face. What for, I was unsure, but with a little uneasiness I realized that she really might have been serious when she asked him to promise not to kill me.   
  
"Alright, Harry, I'll leave the two of you to talk, but I have conditions. First of all, you have to call each other by your first names..." I let a small groan escape my mouth, and Malfoy seemed to snarl. "And just be...civil, alright?"   
  
I looked over at Malfoy, and we finally nodded in agreement.   
  
"Well, shake hands." She seemed a little impatient about this, as if it was a given. Grimacing, we went forth and shook each other's hands. Satisfied, she left, red cloak swishing behind her.   
  
Malfoy, I mean, Draco, looked after her for a moment before looking back at me. He said, in an almost inaudible voice, "Some girl, hum?" Then the closed look was back on his face and I knew this was going to be a difficult conversation.   
  
"So what'dya want to talk about, Pott-I mean, Harry?" He said my name in the same scornful way he said 'Potter'.   
  
"I wanted to talk to you about what your exact intentions were with Hermione, Draco." I said his name in a very amiable fashion, just to get on him. It worked, sort of.   
  
"Alright."  
  
"Well, what are they?"  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
What were my intentions? It was hard enough to tell Granger, let alone Potter.   
  
"Well, you see, Harry," I paused. I thoroughly did not enjoy calling him by his first name. "Granger's going through a real rough time, right? I know you've really been trying to help her, and that's great, but I just don't think you've got a clue what you're doing."  
  
"See, this is what I don't understand. I don't understand your sudden personality change towards her. One day, you're being your usual bastard self, and the next you're reprimanding me for not being a good enough friend! What're you trying to pull? Listen, if you think you can take advantage of her 'cause she's weak, you've really got another thing coming because I bloody will kill you!"  
  
The very idea abhorred me. Take advantage of her? Christ. "Potter, there are things about me that you just will never understand. I..." how the hell did I say this without coming off like a complete idiot? "I swear to you with everything important to me in the world, that I truly hate mudbloods. So yes, I really despise Hermione Granger, too. But there's this part of me, see, that also likes her. I'll always look down on her type, but...well, listen, the point is, I would never take advantage of her. Christ. You really think I'm some lowly bit of scum, don't you?"  
  
"Naturally, Malfoy. You and 'Mione...you aren't, um...a couple, are you?"  
  
A couple? Why was it that the idea wasn't totally repulsive? "Christ! Hell, no, Potter."  
  
"Good. Alright, that's all I wanted to talk to you about. I'm satisfied with your attempts to be human, for the moment, Malfoy, but the second I hear that you've hurt her in any way-no, the second I begin to suspect that you might hurt her-you're going to have a lot more to deal with, understood?"  
  
"Yeah, whatever. Sure. One thing, though. You've got to swear that you'll tell no one else about this-I mean, me and her...being...friends, alright? My dad would kill me if he knew!"  
  
He narrowed his eyes at me. "How do I know that this isn't your way of setting us up?"  
  
I sighed in exasperation. "Just trust me, alright? Shit, I really am asking everyone to trust me these days. The fact is, Potter, you know who and what my father is. Maybe you can imagine what his reaction would be to his son being with in a ten-foot radius of a mudblood?" I watched, with relief, as Harry nodded, a slow, comprehending nod. Then he gave me a half smile and I turned around and left him standing alone in the Astronomy Tower to mull over recent events.   
  
  
  
***  
  
  
I pounded my fist against the stone wall. If only these walls could talk, and I could hear what really went on between the two of them. I still wasn't completely sure that Malfoy wasn't manipulating or using Hermione. The very idea made uneasy. There was something askew, that was for sure, but I couldn't place my finger exactly on what it was.   
  
It actually looked like he cared about her. If things were as they seemed, as they had been portrayed to me, then he just might really be the best thing for her. And she would certainly be the best thing for him. The question was, what lie did I tell Ron?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Not exactly a cliffie this time...would've been, but I decided to write more, give you a longer chapter. So, when does the romance start? Huh? Maybe in the next chapter...we'll see!  
  
  



	5. It's Been A Month (Maybe I Love You?)

A/N: Guess what

A/N: Guess what? I actually have a plot now!! So, maybe, if I can stick to it, this story will be somewhat understandable in the long run. It's still going to be a Draco/Hermione romance (obviously) but I am adding in quite a few other things as well. The reason I've been able to write so much is because I've been sick (yes, I've had a fever…which would explain the odder things in this story!). I don't know if everyone has heard President Bush request that every American school age child donate a dollar to the Afghanisti children, but, if you are an American school age child, please do so! Thank you, and Peace. 

DEFEATED WE RISE

Chapter Five: It's Been A Month (Maybe I Love You?)

Today marked the one-month anniversary of my parents' death. I should have been sad, or at least angry, infuriated. But I wasn't. 

I had had a dream last night, and my mum and dad had spoken to me. They had whispered to me, as if from far away, making the entire affair bittersweet. Now the whole dream came back to me, poundingly, and I was thrust back onto my pillow, when I realized it's full extent.

It was winter. The snow was pouring down. It blinded my path, but I kept on running. Soon, the cold overtook me and I fell in an anguished heap. Then, I heard them cursing me, and I knew that I had lost. 

***

It was Ron. 'Mione, you wouldn't believe it! That slimy git, Malfoy, is gone! He's gone off to Durmstrang…' 

***

'One day, a day sooner perhaps than you would like, pumpkin, you're going to need this…' after embracing me, warmly, my father left in my palm a necklace, a necklace that would help save me from…

***

'Love, I know this is hard to accept. But even though he's betrayed you in the past, you've simply got to trust the Dragon…' my mother tried to soothe my shaking head. 'Child, do not mourn our passage. Enjoy what you still have and we will meet again…'

***

'I swear I love you…'

I broke out in a cold sweat. In a reflexive motion, I reached for my neck, and placed around it was the amulet my father spoke of. It let off a light blue glow, and appeared to be an oddly shaped piece of metal. If you really squinted at it, though, you realized that it had no shape. It simply implied that it had shape, that it existed. 

I jumped up and wrote down everything that I remembered from my dream, even though it was probably simply nerves and stress and probably had no meaning whatsoever. Well, yeah, I'd believe that, only, the necklace obviously existed. 

I tugged a wrinkled robe over my head and ran a brush quickly through my hair. I was too nervous to bother with anything else. 

I went down to breakfast, and watched numbly as Ron piled toast, eggs, and bacon on a plate, then pushed it towards me.

"'Mione, eat." He looked at me sternly and went back to his own breakfast. I took a bite of toast.

It was Saturday morning, and just as I was running towards the library, I saw Draco come groggily down to breakfast. No one, save Harry, knew that our relationship was any different than it had been last year, or the year before that, or the year before that. In other words, they still thought we were mortal enemies. We had developed a way of greeting each other, so that no one would catch on. 

"Morning, mudblood" he sneered it out, but I caught the feisty glimmer in his eyes.

"Morning to yourself, bastard" we were constantly trying to one-up each other on the insults. 

"Christ, 'Mione, why do you put up with that?" Ron had his hands balled into two red fists.

"Because I can always come back with something as equally rude as he can, can't I?" Harry snorted. "Listen, guys, I've got some research to do in the Library, so go ahead to Hogsmeade without me today, alright?" 

Harry and Ron nodded, and Ron commented to Harry as they left, "Sure am glad she's getting back to normal!" 

I shook my head sadly and pushed open the heavy wooden door.

Cautiously, I approached Madame Pince, who looked as sour as ever, and asked her where I could find books on amulets.

"Amulets? What sort of amulet?" She eyed me suspiciously.

I spread my hands and said, "I'm really not quite sure…"

"Well, we have a few books in the last row on your left, but the rest are restricted, and don't you even think about looking in that section!" She huffed and went off.

After several hours among thick volumes of mainly useless crap, I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

"Why aren't you in Hogsmeade?" Malfoy was towering above me.

"Because I had…something…to look up." I never was good at lying.

"The Creation of Amulets, Famous Amulets, The Power of Amulets, Tricky Stones, and Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to All Amulets?! What, exactly, are you trying to find? And have you had any success?" He sat down opposite me. 

I sighed. "Well…no, I've not had a bit of success. You see…I had this dream, or maybe you would call it a nightmare…and in it, my father gave me an amulet that was supposed to protect me from…well, what from I'm not sure. But the point is, when I woke up this morning, the amulet was around my neck." 

Draco let out a long, low whistle. "You know, I hate to sound like Professor Trelawny" I groaned at the mention of her name "But that dream really might have been, well, clairvoyant. Do you remember anything else from it?"

I looked down into my lap, where my hands were twisting nervously around, destroying a piece of parchment. "Yeah…"

"But you don't want to talk about it. I see. I just was coming to tell you it's been a month." With that he stood up again.

I looked up at him. I looked at my arms, which were covered in little silvery scars, but had no new gashes. I had gone back to living relatively normally, and I mainly had him to thank. 

I knew that I would be bringing parts of my nightmare into existence by going forth with this, but somehow, I felt that I would lose more should I hold back.

He had gotten up to leave.

"Draco…" He turned around and looked questioningly at me. "Please don't go."

***

"Draco…please don't go." That was all she said, but I felt rooted to the spot, to her side, for eternity.

It was strange, how Love crept up on one.

It was strange how close Love and Hate really were. It was unsettling how I seemed to get the two confused. 

Part of me told myself to run, to get away while I still could, because this would only bring heartbreak, and maybe death, for the both of us. We were dark and light, we were like the moon and sun. The moon is condemned to forever orbit the sun, who is condemned simply to look on. The result is eternal dark and light with very little time in between. 

Instead I held my hand out to her, and she jumped up from her stack of books, and together we walked down to the lake. 

I wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying as we made our way down, because I was too wrapped up in the fact that I wanted her, badly, and that she was completely unaware. She was the little mudblood I had nursed back to health, and my father would kill me were any of this to get out. She was the one thing I couldn't, wasn't allowed to have, and, by God, I would have her. 

***

I wasn't really sure what I was rambling on about. I think I was talking about amulets, but really I was thinking about him. 

I knew he hated me; he always would, it was simply the way things were. But I couldn't help remembering my dream, and the way I had wanted those last words, that 'I swear I love you' to come from his lips…

I knew, too, that he would betray me. It all made me very uneasy. Would he go to Durmstrang? When? How much longer would I have with him? This made me feel that time was of the essence. Everything felt terribly urgent. 

My heart was beating in my throat by the time we reached the lake. I kept casting quick sideways glances at him, but he never once looked my way. He sat down on the grass and motioned for me to sit next to him. 

***

She sighed as she sat down next to me. I watched as she chewed nervously on her lower lip, as if deep in contemplation. I didn't mind the fact that it had gone quiet. Then, her eyes flitted towards mine…

And I could no longer resist.

I pushed her down onto the soft, plush carpet of dying grass, and connected my lips to her own. I took her by surprise, but only for a moment, and then, oh, lovely day! She began to kiss me back, with an urgency I hadn't thought she held. She kissed me as if today were her last day, as if the world would end tomorrow. I thought of the moon and sun eclipsing, and knew that it was this often that I would be allowed to embrace her. 

I broke the kiss and looked thoughtfully down on her. She was now blushing furiously, which only added to the appeal in my mind. I brushed a stray hair away from her face and closed in again. And again. And again. . .

~Well, there you have it, they're in love (awww….) so now it's your turn to make *me* happy and REVIEW!!! Trust me, I love it when you do…~


	6. We Will Move Slowly (How Can You Lie?)

A/N: You'll probably be glad to know that this is a long, long chapter

A/N: You'll probably be glad to know that this is a long, long chapter. I leave you with quite a cliffie, but I can assure you that I'll have more out soon. This is not your regular Draco/Hermione romance and (if you haven't already deduced this) is not pure fluff. I'm not sure I'm quite happy with this chapter but I think it will work….so here it is and remember that I do not own any of these characters, they belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, however, I do own my plot. Peace.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!

DEFEATED WE RISE

_Chapter Six: We Will Move Slowly (How Can You Lie?)_

I hugged my knees to my chest, contemplating. Christmas holiday upon us, Draco wanted to take my amulet home with him over the holidays. It was amazing, how, after almost four months of knowing each other, and almost three months of dating, Harry was the only one who knew we met at all. 

Every book on the Hogwarts library had been earmarked and read thoroughly, yet still there was no hint that my amulet even existed. I supposed I would send it with him. My dream seemed ridiculous by now and it was getting blurry. I sighed and flopped back onto my bed. My trunk was packed, everyone would be on the Hogwarts' Express in less than half an hour, and still I didn't know what to do. 

Like I thought everyday, maybe I should go to Dumbledore about it. Then, I would rationalize, I would have to tell him my whole dream, I would have to tell him about Draco, and that would be his death warrant. So I just kept quiet.

It was too much of a risk to basically put the amulet in Lucius Malfoy's hands. Ridiculous that I would consider. I couldn't let him take it. I would just ask Draco to try his best with the books at home. 

***

I dreaded going back to Malfoy Manor. I had been informed by Pansy that she would be coming to visit me on New Years'. The whore still had no idea I was seeing Hermione…which made things rather difficult, and uncomfortable. Apparently, there was to be a Death Eater rally. I didn't really feel like participating…for some reason, all the zest I had always felt for killing, for blood on my pale hands, had disappeared. It was gone, and left me revolted, with them, and with myself. 

I had offered to take the amulet home over holiday and try to figure it out. Hermione flipped on me, and I had yet to figure out why. I shoved the last of my things in my trunk and pulled off the amulet I wore around my own neck. It radiated a protective shield and I was going to give it to Hermione, since she would be prone to attacks and was going to the Weasley's as well. God knows what could happen in that shack. 

It was then that I heard a faint knock on my door. I opened it, and felt a whoosh of air slip past me. I closed my door, and she took Harry's cloak off. 

I knew this was the last time I would see her for over two weeks and the very idea ripped at my heart. She flung herself into my arms, kissing me warmly. Then she pulled apart from me and searched my eyes.

"Draco…" she paused, looking at the ground. "I can't send the amulet with you, because I'm just too afraid…that, well, that they'll get it."

I hadn't expected that. Why on earth would they even want it? It wasn't like it was anything glorious. It didn't even really shine.

"Why?—"

She cut me off by covering my lips in her own, smothering any questions I might have had. She kissed me for a long time, and when she pulled away, she was crying.

"I'm scared, Draco…please be careful over the holidays, alright? If you could still look in the books for me that would be lovely, I just can't risk it with the amulet, not right now, at least…I've never really told you this before…but you know I love you, right?"

People didn't generally tell me they loved me. In fact, my parents never had. I feel ashamed at my own weakness, but hearing the mudblood say that brought tears to my eyes. 

I pulled her into a parting kiss, and, as I slipped my amulet on top of her own, I whispered, "And I you. Until we meet again, remember me by this…" You would have thought we were going away for eternity, the way we acted. But I know we were both scared. I don't think we knew what of, but Fear is a frantic thing, and we _were_ fearful. She smiled up at me and squeezed my hand three times before throwing the invisibility cloak over her shoulders and disappearing. 

***

"'Mione, need a hand with any of that?"

"I think I've got it, thanks Ron. Where should I put my trunks?"

"I think you're staying with Ginny. I mean, obviously, you know, since you're a girl and all…I mean…" He was blustering a bit. Ginny came and took over. 

"Ron! Fred and George need help with de-gnoming the garden! How 'bout I take care of Hermione, alright?"

"I hate gnomes!" he stormed off, only to be caught up in one more hug from his mother, who was also busy hugging Harry repeatedly.

Ginny chuckled. I knew she still liked Harry, but she had grown much more composed over the past few months, and didn't blush as brightly or hide as often anymore. "Honestly, do you think they'll ever escape her?" She looked sideways at me, laughing.

I smiled back. "At this rate, it looks unlikely! What's been happening with you, Gin? I haven't had a chance to talk to you much lately…"

"Me? Oh, same old, same old…actually…well, lets just wait 'till we get into my room…I sound proofed my walls, isn't that cool?!" She tugged me up the crooked stairs at a violent rate, slammed her door open, opened her window, shoved my stuff into a corner and slammed the door shut again. Then she looked sideways at me once again, showing off her muggle CD player and putting in Marilyn Manson. 

"Gin! Does your mother actually let you listen to that?"

"What? Oh, like she knows! Dad got this at a garage sale for my birthday last year…and I told him Marilyn Manson was this girl who sang really lovely jazz…and so I got it, and since my walls are soundproof no one hears it. Plus, none of the boys will tell because they love it too." She shot me a devilish grin. "Ooh, Herm, I've got sooo much to tell you! You wouldn't believe!"

"What happened?"

"Well…" Ginny began to blush slightly, and fiddle with her thumbs "I was in the Astronomy tower a few weeks ago, you know, because we have that God-awful planetary alignment project, and, just to spite me, Ron wouldn't let me borrow his recordings, so I had to go out and do everything on my own…and it was late, I was up there with my blanket and hot chocolate mapping Jupiter, and guess who happened to come up right then?" She was bouncing up and down on her bed with anticipation now, "Well? Guess! Guess!"

She always had so much energy, but it was good, because it got my mind off of more depressing things. I instinctively reached for my amulets, feeling the comforting heat Draco's let off, and the serene knowledge of my own. "Um…I dunno…Harry?"

"Yes! And guess what?"

"What?"

"Well…we got to talking, really for the first time, because I didn't have a chance to run away like I usually do, and it was dark so he couldn't tell that I had turned crimson, thank God, and I think he actually sees me as a person now, rather than just Ron's little sister, because…oh, Hermione, you've got to promise that you won't tell anyone any of this, please?"

I was getting a slightly nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I nodded my head twice.

"He kissed me! Oh, you've no idea how long I've waited to be kissed by him, Herm! It was lovely, too, the way all his attention was on me, and…" She drifted off into a state of lovely oblivion. 

"Ginny…Harry wasn't by any chance, the one who told you to keep quiet about the whole…incident, now, was he?"

"Well, yes, but that's natural, because we wouldn't want Parvati to know, would we?"

"Ginny!" I was aghast.

"It only happened the once…" suddenly Ginny's face fell "And I thought he was going to break up with her for me, that being my first kiss and everything and the way he looked at me…well, I could barely make out his eyes, but the way I'm certain they were looking at me…but he didn't, and now I'm so confused!"

"Oh, Ginny…do you want me to talk to him about it?"

"I-I don't know…yes, I suppose. I'm so confused and if-if he's using me, which I never could believe Harry would do, because he's so good and so sweet and I love him, but if he is, it's got to stop and I've got to stop…would you?"

"Of course I will. I'll get it all straightened out. It just doesn't sound like the type of thing he would do…" I sighed and drew the younger girl into a hug. It was nice to have another girl to talk to, and another person's problems to worry about. It took my mind off of my own, off of things that were out of my control. 

"Ginny! Hermione! Suppertime!" Molly Weasley's voice shrilled up the staircase towards us. 

Ginny jumped up and I followed suit. She turned to me, looking more than a little worried. "Herm, the thing is, I haven't really gotten things straightened out with Harry yet and I'm…well, I'm nervous about dinner!"

"Don't worry, Gin. You've got six older brothers home for Christmas who are all trying to talk to him, talk to you, talk to each other. Dinner will be fine and if anything uncomfortable should happen I'll intervene, alright?"

"Ok, thanks. You can sit next to me, if you like. Charlie normally sits next to me, but I think the arrangement will be a bit different since our family has grown two larger!" She squeezed my hand and tugged me out of her room and down the stairs. 

Mrs. Weasley had outdone herself with dinner. We had turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, brownies, tea, sautéed veggies, home-made bread and berry cobbler. It was a general rush of freckled hands and shouting and laughing and poking and jabbing, all ending with a large, contented sigh from Mr. Weasley. Fred and George had already set off several dung-bomb variations of their own so they had to go brew up the powder to make the smell go away, and Percy had taken Charlie, Bill, and Mr. Weasley aside to discuss something he stated was 'highly classified information' within the Ministry, but Ginny had her suspicions otherwise. Mrs. Weasley called both her and Ron into the kitchen to help clean up, and while Harry and I offered to help we were turned hastily away. Ginny shot me a last fervent glance and disappeared among the suds of their large sink. 

I steered Harry into their sitting room, which consisted of chairs and couches and various muggle 'inventions' strewn about haphazardly. He looked at me questioningly, and I looked pointedly back at him.

I decided it best to cut the chase and make my point. "What are you doing with Ginny?"

He looked at me, ran a hand through his wavy black hair, and muttered, "Christ!".

"Harry…"

"I…I hadn't meant to, honest. It just…happened, and I still want to kiss her because she wasn't bad…but she's Ron's little sis, and I've got a girlfriend…"

"And you're acting completely irresponsibly!"

"Hermione, it's going to be hard to appeal my case to you because you don't know what passion feels like. I mean, you've just never had a real relationship. Krum doesn't count because he lives thousands of miles away and that really didn't last very long as it was. But, up in the tower, it felt magical that night. You know? Like, there was something more important going on here than…Christ, than other times I suppose. I don't really know what I'm talking about but I do care for Parvati and don't want to hurt her and I really do like her. I also care for Ginny and I like her too…"

"But do you care whether or not you hurt her?"

"Well, naturally but she's not my girlfriend—"

"Harry, do you realize she had never kissed anyone before? It wasn't just some quick thing for her. You do all these great things, you know. She sees you for them and respects you for them and if you can't live up to her expectations then leave her alone and make everyone's life a little bit easier. Also, please don't underestimate anyone's ability to perceive passion. It's not fair to me, and it's not helping you to appeal your case by stating I've never experienced—"

"Well, you haven't, have you?"

"Sorry I ever got into it…umm, just don't hurt her, k?"

Harry nodded solemnly and bowed his head. I had faith in him yet. Then his head popped up again. "Hermione, you wouldn't bring up passion unless…Listen, that night I talked to Malfoy he said you two weren't…involved. Was that a lie?"

I weighed the question. When he asked him, no, I suppose it wasn't. I didn't want all hell to break loose at this particular moment. "No…"

Harry was sharper than many gave him credit. "And now, Hermione?"

"And now?" my throat went dry and my voice sounded caustic.

He gave me a pointed look.

"Can I get back to you on that later?"

"No."

I sighed, and was about to answer when Ron came in. As Ron was talking Harry looked at me again and reluctantly I nodded my head 'yes', then told them both good night and left Harry with a lot to think about. 

***

I was greeted with a sharp nod from my father, a small smile from my mother and almost ten chattering house-elves. They attacked me, taking my suitcases and coat and shoes and shoving cookies, tea, chocolate, warm socks, blankets, and books at me. It was almost comforting, but the fact that my father was tapping his foot impatiently told me to put it all down and follow him into his study. 

"Draco." He looked down his characteristically straight nose at me, piercing me with the only eyes that had ever matched mine in venom, and been human, naturally. I did not mean that my eyes held more venom than the Dark Lord, for that would be an overestimate of my abilities, and a degradation of Master. 

"Yes, father?"

"You're a changed boy. What happened throughout your semester?"

He wasn't asking me in fatherly affection. He wanted to know how well I had behaved. I had mulled this over the entire time on the Express, and answers hadn't come to me. Hermione would not suffice as being 'good'. 

I held my head a little higher, and replied, "I noted that the mudblood's parents were killed. It was as I expected, and had little effect upon Potter."

"And why is that?"

"Because Granger is not Potter, father. It hurt her, I'm sure, but Potter got on with life just as the rest of us did."

"Did you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you get on with life after their deaths?"

"Well, naturally. It's not like it affected me in the least."

"Boy, you're different and you know I know it. For your own good I hope you haven't been mucking too deep in trouble. It is no longer my business to assign your punishments. You should know better than to mess with the Dark Lord, for nothing goes past his eye unseen. You'll learn yet." With that he dismissed me from his study and suddenly tea and cookies didn't feel very appealing to my stomach. I wondered how much they knew. I instinctively clutched for my amulet and remembered it was around her neck. I would be alright. I would be alright…

***

It was Christmas morning and I had been at the Burrow for three days now. I woke to the sound of fists pounding on Ginny's door, and rushed to open it, only to have Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Bill, and Charlie to bombard upon us. Percy yelled from down the hall for some quiet. 

I was shocked to see presents at the foot of my bed, because who was there to give me a present? One shocked me in particular. It was wrapped in pale green and tied in gold ribbon, representing both Slytherin and Gryffindor and clearly from Draco. 

***

I was frantically going through our library. I had until tonight to figure out what sort of amulet it was, otherwise my owl wouldn't get to Hermione by Christmas morning, and I had a feeling that the Weasley's were early risers, probably over-zealous about the prospect of a present. At noon, my mother came in, worried. 

"Heavy workload, dear?"

"What? Oh, yeah, McGonnagal gets worse every year…" she made low growls in her throat and as she left shouted for a house elf to bring me something to eat. 

At suppertime my father gave me a lecture about being a Malfoy and consequently the need to sustain the highest quality of manners and that if I didn't come to dinner I would have no dinner and no breakfast tomorrow either. I stayed in the library. Around eleven, I finally alighted upon what I wanted. 

_'The Amulet of Gaia, goddess of the Earth, draws on power from the four elements: earth, air, fire, and water. Since governed by Mother Earth, the amulet represents earthly life and the physical body. When possessed by a truly just and honest individual, this amulet has the power to protect one from their worst adversaries, giving one enough earthly strength and power so that while you may feel pain, even the Unforgiveables cannot kill you. Once cast, forever remains. This does not lead to immortality; it simply renders your foes unable to kill you, although they can still torture you, naturally."_ I paused and looked at the cover of the book. Ah, The Abuse of Lighter Arts. That explained it. _"However, this amulet, as any other, can be manipulated. While it is highly restricted, one can take the amulet from it's possessor—only if it has not yet been cast—and use a spell in the back of this book to put it's power upon oneself. The Amulet of Gaia can also be used in correspondence with several more primitive potions used to lengthen life which, when combined, will lead to immortality. Should a Dark wizard obtain this, there would be very little left in his path to world domination."_I let out a long, low whistle.

It was then that I noticed that there was someone else in the room with me, and that they, too, were in awe. 

I turned around and saw my father looking down upon me, apparently measuring me with his eyes.

"Yes, father?"

"Voldemort talked to me a half hour ago and informed me that my son" he paused and drew in a sharp breath, outraged "has spent his entire semester cavorting with a mudblood! Not just any mudblood, mind you, but one in particular, who goes by the name of Hermione Granger. Do you realize what sort of punishment this will result in?"

I swallowed and looked into his steely eyes. Of course I knew. "Death, father."

"And you are willing to die _for a mudblood_? What sort of son have I raised?" He clearly wanted to kill me on the spot. 

"Father, I am a Death Eater and I did not intend…to become involved…with Hermione." He choked when I said her name "I hate mudbloods, I hate Potter, I hate Weasleys, I hate the remaining Granger. Only, love seems terribly close and I didn't expect it…"

"Have I not always told you to 'know thy enemy'?"

"Yes, father, and know her I do…"

Suddenly his eyes began to light up. "The Dark Lord said there was the possibility of your redemption…however, it is at a price, Draco. When you became a Death Eater did you not swear upon your soul that Voldemort was the only worthwhile thing within this world?"

"Yes, but—"

"Did you not swear to help eradicate this world of mudbloods?"

"Yes, but fa—"

"Do you not bear the Mark upon your left forearm?"

"I do, but—"

"Then this is what you must do."

"I love her!"

"Love DOES NOT EXIST!" He pounded the mahogany desk fiercely. 

I shook my head at him in wonder. "How can you tell such lies?"

"I tell you the truth! You've become self-centered and spoiled! This is _not_ your life, it is the continuation of the Malfoy name, it is the exaltation of the Dark Lord, there are more _important_ things at stake than some sixteen-year-old boy's ideas on love!"

I snarled but knew to keep quiet. His wand was pointed at my temple and all he had to do was say it. 

"The Amulet of Gaia is in possession of Hermione Granger, is it not?" He jabbed my temple harder with his wand.

"Yes." I gritted out.

"The Dark Lord needs that amulet, Draco. He is willing to spare your life and overlook your mistakes if you bring it to him within the next month."

"How can you ask me to hurt her?" 

My father threw his head back and laughed. "Do you honestly think I'm _asking_ you? Draco, you act as if you're new to the Malfoy ways. If you don't do it, I'll see that you get the Kiss instead. People with the Kiss certainly don't feel love, you _idiot_!"

"I will not do it!" I knew they needed that amulet, and the easiest thing was to get it through me. They wouldn't kill me yet.

"Is that so?"

"Yes!"

"Then I'll make you!" he paused, drew in a breath, and, with wand still pointed at my temple, shouted, "_Imperio_!"

Suddenly my mind felt milked over. Everything was light, happy and blissful. 

"Draco, get a piece of parchment and a quill." I grinned and did so. It made me happy to get a quill…

I put it in front of him. He smiled back at me. It looked warm from behind my milky veil.

"Write to Hermione Granger. Tell her about the amulet. Swear your love. We will move slowly…"

There you go! Chapter Six…please review and I'll continue writing for you! One of the main reasons I continue to write (actually, the main reason I post on ff.net) is because I naturally love reviews….so, if you have two spare seconds could you REVIEW?

~peace~


	7. Committed

A/N: I really want to thank everyone for reviewing this story…it's for these reviews that I keep writing default Normal default 1 6 2001-11-06T18:32:00Z 2001-11-06T18:38:00Z 7 2610 14882 124 29 18276 9.3821 

A/N: I _really_ want to thank everyone for reviewing this story…it's for these reviews that I keep writing. This is still Draco/Hermione, only it's taking a detour and it's going to consist of a _plot_. I'm actually really happy with this chapter…so I hope you like it, too. There are a few slightly controversial themes in this chapter, but nothing that will seriously scar anyone, and, anyways, remember, this story is rated R. 

P.S. I wrote four poems (titled Crush #1, #2, #3, and #4) and they're about this guy (whom I obviously like) I thought I would tell everyone because the guy is so much like Draco it's uncanny and…if you want to read (hint hint)…I would appreciate it!!!

DEFEATED WE RISE

CHAPTER SEVEN: Committed

           I tore back the pale green wrapping paper, tossed the golden bow around my neck and shielded the contents from everyone around me. 

          Inside was a small silver ring decorated in jade. It was wrapped up in his letter, and sealed at the four meeting edges of paper with the Malfoy family crest. I slipped the ring onto my finger and then picked up his letter. It read:

                      '_Dearest Hermione,_

_         It has been but a few days since I last held you, and already I long, with all my heart, all my soul, to be in your company again! It's been hell in the Manor, what with the house elves screaming bloody murder at each other and my mother sitting placidly fanning herself. That isn't why I wished to write you…_

_You were right. Your amulet is most rare, it is, indeed, the Amulet of Gaia. Basically, it lends the power of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water to it's possessor. You will have these powers…although they will only help you against you worst enemy, and only when you are in the direst of need. To be specific, this amulet will keep any enemy of yours from killing you, however, this does not leave you exempt from continuous torture and the like. _

_I went Christmas shopping with father yesterday, and I saw this ring and had to buy it for you. When I was younger my mother had one much like it, only, it fell down the drain and no one ever bothered to get it out, because she didn't care for it too much I suppose. I thought such a ring would look lovely on your finger, though, so…_

_Anyways, I love you, and I'll see you in a week and a half._

_Draco_

_P.S. Pansy's coming for New Year's. God help me!'_

***

          _Father sat down next to me and held out a quill. He smiled at me, only, this time, it really did look a little slithery. What was he asking me to do? Or was he even asking?_

                  "Draco, we are writing to your little mudblood whore. Yes, Hemriona, I think you said her name was…Ahem."

          _Well, writing to Hermione was fine with me, as long as he got her name right. _

                   "Father, her name is Hermione."

                   "Whatever you say. So write this: 'Dearest Hermione'"

         _What was I doing? Why was I writing her? What made me oblige?_

         I fought it, but the curse was too strong for me to stand against. My quill hit the paper, and with a few blots and a shaky start I began 'my' letter to her. 

        "Good, boy. Now put this: 'It has been but a few days since I last held you, and already I long, with all my heart, all my soul, to be in your company again!'"

        _I looked at the man I called father. Only a moment ago he had told me love was a foolish thing, and now he forces me write her a letter professing my love?_

***   

          Damn. I had taught the boy too much. I could see him fighting the curse, I could see him think everything I demanded over in his head, struggle against it and then give in. It wouldn't be long before he could fight the curse all together. 

          I hadn't a clue how to write a love letter, having never needed to profess my love to anyone before in my life—all women I ever possessed had come begging on their knees—and now, here I was, dictating my 16-year-old son how to write one, and to a mudblood for Christ' sake! The very idea sickened me. He would muddy our blood if he wasn't careful. _If I didn't take more control over his actions._ I saw him look repulsed as his hand danced across the paper. Then, he fought and he overcame and in blotchy and scratchy writing unlike his usual neat hand, he scrawled, _"It's been hell in the Manor, what with the house elves screaming bloody murder at each other and my mother sitting placidly fanning herself." _ 

            He got that far before I regained control. I surveyed his work and his seething eyes and then screamed, "Crucio!" He fell out of his chair and writhed in pain, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes as he hit his head upon the Persian rug and vainly attempted to kick me in the shin. No son of mine would go unpunished for placing such shame upon one of the oldest and well-known Wizarding families. 

***  

          I meant to write more, but my strength was ebbing so I looked to my father with defiance instead. He pointed his wand at me and I saw the hatred in his eyes before he muttered 'Crucio!' and I fell to the floor, my stomach stabbed with a thousand tiny daggers, my skull cracking against the floor…I tried to kick him but hit thin air. 

         Throughout the rest of the letter I hadn't enough strength to disobey, though in my heart I knew that I was killing her and I would be killing me, too. Then we reached the end, and father dictated to me, _'P.S. Pansy's coming for New Year's.'_  I saw at once his intention, to make Hermione jealous and make her wonder, and I wouldn't have it. I just managed to scrawl, painfully uneven and large, _'God help me!'_ , which didn't particularly pertain to the last bit of the letter but rather my whole situation, although she would probably never understand this and would probably hate me for the rest of eternity, unless I could summon the strength to fight the Unforgivable's and save her, save us. 

         "Drop the quill."

         I dropped the quill. 

        "Place this ring inside." 

        I looked at him sideways, but took the ring and placed it inside the letter.

        He grinned evilly at me, and whispered, "It's a tracking device, such as is used on _animals_, and we will use it to hunt your mudblood—we will use it to watch you hunt your prey—and bring us the amulet. Now, ungrateful bastard, you'll spend your days and nights in the dungeon until you give in!" Then he removed the curse, magically bound my hands and whispered "Crucio!" Half bent over I was shoved down the staircase into the large, and highly populated, Malfoy dungeons. 

***

         I giggled with glee. He had figured out the secret of my amulet! My amulet was the Amulet of Gaia, and to me was given the gentle protection of the four elements. I smiled and clasped the amulet tightly in both hands. Only Harry seemed to notice. It appeared that I would be having a lengthy chat with him, after all. 

        Re-reading Draco's letter, I noticed that it was a little odd for him. His writing, which was normally so neat and correct, was sloppy and went all over the place, as if someone has tried to take the quill from him on more than one occasion. Also, his speech was a little too proper, not his usual semi-loose self, and he didn't mention any of the things he promised he would. He didn't complain about his father, and didn't write as much as I had expected. It was probably all simply because he was too caught up in what he had discovered about my amulet. Yes, that was it. His hand had been shaky, because it was a momentous discovery, and I knew that upon momentous discoveries, I tended to forget any little thing I had planned on saying. It was perfectly reasonable, and if he left a little to be desired that was alright, because everyone was entitled to moments of forgetfulness and rush.  

*** 

         Where had I gotten to? I was prone to midnight meanderings, but I always ended up in some plush bed or other, not asleep upon cobblestones. Sometimes my head hurt, but that was always the result of a few too many drinks, and this was most definitely caused by the bump upon my forehead. I rubbed my eyes blearily, and then it all came roaring back. 

          I had figured out the amulet. My father knew everything. I was in prison. I was going to die unless I co-operated. I had rarely visited this part of the Manor. Now I knew that it was due for _major_ renovation, was infested with rats, and that all of the occupants really needed to learn a few manners, such as keeping quiet at night so the rest of us could sleep. 

            Right when my stomach first began to rumble, I heard the clinking of the jailers and their keys, and heard the sound of a breakfast cart being pulled along. I had heard father grumble more than once about how expensive it was to hold people captive, and how generous we tended to be. 

            "Vairghe, whur's tha new captive?"

            I waited as they paused outside my door.

            "I was thinkin' 'e was in number 'ifty 'our…but now I'm not so sure…"

            "We've gotta get it right, Vairghe, else we'll be join'n tha lot o' 'em down 'ere before long…ya know Master Malfoy's not too 'orgivin'. Won't like it if we starve tha wrong mister…"

            Father was going to starve me! I kicked my boot up against the wall and let out a gutteral sigh. Some holiday this had been. 

            "We could just starve the lot o' 'em…then we wouldn't hafta worry which one we was missin'…"

            "Yeah, but what'd we do wi' tha 'ood?"

            "Listen, McGargy, why don' we jus' skip tha one I think it is…I'm prob'ly right, ya know?"

            "Yeah…Oi, we've been in front o' it all along!" I heard the two of them laugh, and then one of them kicked my door ferociously and they went on their way. 

*** 

             It was New Year's Eve at the Weasley's. I noticed with more than a little misgiving the string of mistletoe attached to the ceiling and both Fred and George eyeing me mischieviously. I scooted closer to Ginny and farther away from the mistletoe. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had just broken into merry song; Harry and Ron were trying to drag Percy down the stairs and into the family room, with little success, because, apparently, Percy had 'important Ministry business' to deal with. Charlie had come home for the holidays, and Lee Jordan was visiting. Lee had just finished transforming Charlie's long red hair into dread locks, which, I had to admit, looked wicked. 

            Sipping my butterbeer, I thought of Draco much as I knew Ginny was thinking of Harry beside me. I wondered how he was faring, with Pansy. I knew that, at one point, they had been a couple, and I felt more than a small twang of jealousy in my heart. He loved me, I was sure, but Pansy was easy, accessible, and could be considered relatively beautiful. No, not beautiful, but definitely pretty. 

            Yes, my thoughts were similar to those of Ginny. She was wondering what Parvati had which she lacked; if Harry ever could or would love her, and what it was he meant to bring about by asking her to meet him in the first hour of the new year in her attic. 

*** 

            Some fucking merry Christmas this had been. Lovely new year as well. I hadn't eaten in days. My fingers had grown pale and knobbly, my stomach caved in, and I could feel the hollows in my cheeks. Every day Father had come down and asked me if I was ready to give in; each time, I had calmly told him no. 

            I was beginning to doubt myself. She was a mudblood, she wasn't incredibly beautiful, she was emotionally unbalanced, and she was a Weasley and Potter lover. Her kisses were sweet but there was no chance of bedding her—her morals were too high, and everyone knew that Malfoy and morality never went hand in hand. 

            Despite all of this, in some way unfathomable to myself, my family, and my ancestors, I loved her.

            I knew that by loving her I was putting her life in jeopardy—and yes, my own. I had always been selfish, no point in denying it, and what good was it to love if you were dead? From the viewpoint of the hero, how on earth could I put her at risk?

            So, I reasoned, for I had much time to do so, why not strike a bargain. Most definitely a bargain with the Devil, because who was closer than Voldemort himself? I would give in tonight, when my father came, only if he would promise to spare her life and my own. Voldemort would have to promise to keep anyone from harming her. Then I would give in, I would take her amulet, I would give the Dark Lord eternal life, I would go back to being a Malfoy and doing what Malfoys did best: killing. 

*** 

            I twisted my red locks nervously and bit my lips to make them redder; not that it mattered, the night was full now, the lights were dim, and Fred had stolen his glasses. I put my hair up, I took my hair down, I pushed my skirt up, I tugged it down, I adjusted my shirt, pinched my cheeks, held my breath, and heard the attic door creak open. 

            "Gin? Are you up there?"

            "Harry?" I whispered his name reverently. 

            Then the stairs were groaning and creaking under his weight and God himself was standing before me, smiling. 

            He held his hand out to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me up swiftly, so that my breath caught in my throat and the momentum thrust me up against his chest. I knew it was wrong; he was taken, I was young, naïve, innocent, you name it. But for so long I had wanted him, yearned for him, and here he was, before me, for me alone, and what could I do but snatch him and hold on?

            His arms snaked behind my waist as he drew me closer, his head buried in the apple-blossom scent of my hair, the back of his thumb grazing up and down my spine, sending delicious shivers throughout my entire body. 

            But I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this to myself, to Parvati, to Harry. 

            "Harry?"

            He pulled away a little and I clung to him. "Ginny…" He murmured. He would have to make things difficult. Relishing for one second longer in his soft touch, his soft voice, I melted, then, albeit somewhat reluctantly, pulled away. 

            I raked my fingers nervously through my long, deep red locks, beginning the only way I knew how. "Listen, Harry…" I paused and I saw him look up in shock. He really thought he could just have me like that. "This" I waved around us, and at each other, "simply isn't working. You know I like you. That's a fucking understatement. But…" How did I put it? "you're committed to someone else and I'm not satisfied being some girl you come to for your pleasure on the side. It just doesn't cut it for me, emotionally." I stepped aside and headed for the stairs. 

            It took him a minute, because he had thought I would be _that_ easy, and then he had dashed after me, pulled me around, and drug me back to where we had been before. 

            "Ginny, I _never_ meant…" but I could tell he couldn't continue, not really. 

            "What did you mean, then?"

            "I-I…Listen, you're a _beautiful_ girl. Over this past year, Christ, you've got to be one of the most beautiful girls in school. I guess I finally noticed." He let out a small laugh, and while I liked, _loved_, hearing him call me beautiful, it wasn't what I wanted, and he had caught on. "But that isn't what you want to hear, is it?" I shook my head remorsefully. "You just…really confused me. I was perfectly happy with Parvati. She helped me through one of the toughest periods of my life, and I love her for it. She's pretty, but she doesn't adore me, and she isn't gorgeous, and she, well, you…"

            "Listen, Harry, you know how…" suddenly it was hard for me to choke out, to repeat shamelessly, my feelings for him. I had said it so many times. "Once you've really made up your mind, why don't you come talk to me? I can't bear to deal with this until then."

            He nodded, and I turned towards the stairs. I had gone down three steps when I had an overwhelming sense of loss. _This was my chance_. I looked at him, looking at me, took another step, let the tears come, and then, before I knew what I was doing, I had run back up the stairs and into his arms, and he was rocking me back and forth and everything was alright. 

*** 

            "So what'll it be, Draco? Are you ready to give in, yet?" I could hear his sneer of a voice through the iron grating. 

            "Father. I've reached a decision. It doesn't really matter whether you agree with it or not, I'll need to speak to Master, too."

            There was a pause as I heard him take in his breath. "Does this mean you concede?"

            "Not exactly…"

            "What then, boy?"

            "I agree, but on certain terms. I will not deny my love for her, however, I will suppress it, I will retrieve the amulet for the Dark Lord, I will fulfill my duty as a Malfoy."

            "Wonderful. The feast is still warm." I could hear the keys clanging.

            "I'm not done."

            I heard him swear and the noise from the keys dwindled. 

            "I only ask that her life be protected, that no dark wizard be allowed to kill her, even though she _is_ a mudblood. I ask that my life, too, be spared, and may you rest assured that I will use it to further the Dark Lord's power."

            I could practically feel my father's shrewd mechanism, labeled brain, processing all that had been said. "So you promise to bring us the amulet, devote your life to us, if we will only pardon you of your sins and restrain from killing the mudblood?" 

            "Yeah, that's all."

            "I will have you released and taken to your room. Food, a warm bath, and clean robes will await you. In an hour, we will discuss matters with the Dark Lord."

            "So soon?"

            "He is paying us a visit. It was to be your death, however, boy, you may impress us yet." The keys jangled once more, and the door swung open. My father levitated me, and took me to my room, where he dumped me in a bony heap on my bed and went to prepare the Dark Lord's arrival. In the depths of my soul I felt something fight, I felt sick, I knew I had done my conscience wrong. I knew my duty, I reviewed my life, and the burning ember called Hope died within me. I was committed Death Eater for life. 

Voila! I hope there aren't too many mistakes…I don't have a beta reader, so all corrections are my own and likewise may not be the greatest. PLEASE REVIEW!


	8. Chess

A/N: Sorry this took me so long. I have plenty of valid excuses, but its not like they really matter to you…so I'll warn you that nothing terribly momentous happens in this chapter…it's sort of filler, but I figured you all wanted something…so here it is, and I promise there is better stuff coming. Peace. 

Defeated We Rise

CHAPTER EIGHT: Chess

            "Draco." I was standing in front of the thing I called Master. His voice was slithery and made me feel like I was getting the Cruciatus curse a thousand times over. He was returned to full body and almost complete power. All he needed was the amulet. All he needed was _me_. 

            I scrambled down on my knees and kissed his black boots. Soot clung to my lips as I said back to him, reverently, "Master." 

            I lay crouching, not daring to bring my head up. I had seen what happened when a Death Eater rose too quickly. 

            "Alright. You may get up." He sounded _amused_. I felt sick.  

            My father summoned forth a luxurious chair made wholly of silver, with plush, deep green upholstery. It was a chair reserved for Voldemort alone. Voldemort strode across the room and took his seat. I followed my father's actions and sat down on the floor in front of him. I was reminded eerily of the muggle kindergarten class I had helped murder. It had been their story time, and they had been sitting joyfully at their teacher's feet when I entered and the little girls screamed and the little boys hid and the teacher died. 

            He steeped his hands together and looked down at me with a mixture of amusement and scorn laced across his face. "Your father has informed me that you have had a sudden change of heart. Life must be dear to you."

            I knew it would be easier and wiser if I simply hung my head and agreed. But I was already being shamed, I was being stripped of everything I held dear, and my purpose for doing so would have to remain clear to this…_man_.  

            "Master, forgive me, but it is not for my life that I return to you." 

            He beamed. "Enlighten me." My father stifled a groan.

            "I will be your loyal servant for eternity, I will bring you that amulet, if you will only spare Hermione's life," I paused "and, yes, my own."

            "Lucius, you've got a foolish boy. Thinks he's in love. I expected better from a family like your own."

            "I expected better from my son, too, my Lord." My father bowed his head, shame pouring forth from his eyes.

            "Yes, you do try…" Voldemort seemed to be pitying my father. I jutted my chin out a little bit farther. 

            "I cannot promise never to kill the girl. She could pose a potential threat."

            It was time to show my loyalty. "I only ask that you consult with me before it is done." Now they both beamed, hands were shook, champagne was brought forth, and the plotting began.

*** 

            Life was proving to be an interesting thing. Voldemort was killing the world off little by little, I was wrapped up in two relationships, one of my best friends was dating Draco Malfoy, and the other was oblivious to it all…which wasn't necessarily a good thing, because once Ron did catch on…I winced. It would be painful. 

            I couldn't help but let a small grin flit across my face as I thought of last night. Ginny Weasley had kissed me. She had clung to me, clawed, ripped the shirt off my back, kissed me and kissed me until her mouth had worn itself raw. Then I had commenced to kissing her, to pleasing her more than I thought I could ever please a girl, to being the hero she had always wanted me to be. It had been wonderful; but it had been wrong, and now I was in a very uncompromising situation. I hadn't seriously thought about leaving Parvati, but I hadn't seriously thought about getting involved with Ginny either. One moment she had been Ron's little sister, the next she had transformed into a red-haired, blushing Goddess. I liked Parvati, really I did…and she liked me, but I had never made her feel the way Ginny had felt, and she had certainly never made me feel the way I did when I was with Ginny. 

            I shook my head. I could hear Hermione coming now. She was finally going to explain what had been happening between her and Malfoy. 

            "Hey. Sorry I'm late…I don't know what happened, but I didn't wake up, and…" Hermione looked very perturbed. It was an unusual thing for her to sleep past eight on the holidays. 

            "It's alright. Funny how we can live in the same house and still barely see each other!"

            She looked at me and smiled. "Isn't it?" 

            "Anyways…" I looked at her. I didn't want to actually say it.

            She caught on and smiled ruefully. "I didn't mean to keep it from you—well, yes, I suppose I did—but only because I knew you wouldn't understand."

            "Couldn't you give us—me—a chance?"

            "I should have. I'm sorry, Harry. It wasn't something either of us thought would happen, not in a million years. He's not as evil as everyone thinks, and I, well, in case you haven't noticed, there's no way for me to be as sweet as I used to. There's this black hole in my heart and it's not going away anytime soon."

            I looked at her in sympathy. She knew I understood. "Why him? Why not Dean, or Seamus, or even Neville?"

            "Harry, do you honestly think any of them measure up to Draco Malfoy? Honestly. He's only been in Witch Weekly's Hundred Hottest Wizards column since he was twelve!"

            Now all I could do was gape. She actually _fancied_ Malfoy. "How long have you liked him? Christ!" Now that it had been uttered from her lips I felt the weight of the entire _idea_ sink into me. 

            "Oh, no, don't start thinking I've had some longtime crush on him. No, it's not like that at all. I really did hate him for awhile, and he really hated me. When did I realize I no longer hated him? That was only a few months ago, and it's even less since I realized I liked him. I don't know if it's something you can understand…"

            It wasn't something I could understand. Draco Malfoy. _Draco Malfoy_!

            "Why?" I would at least try.

            "Well…he was there for me when I needed someone most…he…he _knows_ me, Harry, like no one else ever has…I, we…oh, and Harry, he's _so_ sexy…" 

            She was laughing, thank god. "Slap me."

            And she did. 

            "But seriously. I don't know why, I just know it _is_, I know it's right, I know I love him, and I know he loves _me_. Isn't that good enough?"

*** 

            "Ginny! Hurry _up_! You're going to make us all late for the Express! GINNY!" Ron hollered up the stairs. "She's got those stupid walls sound-proofed, never can hear anything. Takes so long to get ready to go anywhere…" Ron left me muttering angrily to himself as he pounded back into the Burrow.  

            I wrapped my hands around my amulets. Draco hadn't written me since Christmas. I missed him terribly and was beginning to doubt whether or not he felt the same. In fact, the more I thought about our relationship, the more I realized exactly _who_ I had fallen so madly in love with, and who had my heart to puppeteer. I wondered if he wasn't playing some long and cruel joke on me. Before we had left he had promised to write me every day, twice a day, that's how much he said he would miss me. Then, there was the fact that Pansy had been visiting…but no. _That_ was taking things too far. 

            I shook my head and saw Ron pulling Ginny towards the car, while she hopped on one foot desperately trying to get her shoe on. Then I turned my head and watched Harry watching her. I knew, even though they hadn't told me, that their situation must have heated up some more. I could tell from the look in Harry's eyes that Ginny had at least peeled a few of Parvati's fingers off from around his heart and replaced them with her own. Maybe she had chopped them off. It all seemed to be the same. 

*** 

            My stomach was reeling. I hadn't been able to eat, out of nervousness, mainly, and self-loathing. Last night I had lain, sprawled on my silk comforter, deciding who I would be truthful to. Then I came to the full realization that _this_ wasn't about truth. It was about love, and only love. And I knew what I had to do. I had to go ahead and take that amulet from her. There was no way she would figure out how to get it to work in time, not at the rate they could move, apparating and disapparating in matters of seconds. They would kill her, and I would rather know that I could never have her, that she hated me, that I was, once again, her loathed enemy, as long as I knew she was alive and healthy and out of harm's way, at least for the time being. 

            When I told her that she was the Dark Lord's greatest enemy, I meant it. She was everything that he feared: strong, intelligent, _loving_. Little did he know that in using me to take that amulet from her, he would be unleashing a dragon. When you add to an equation which consists of strength, intelligence and love, _hate_…the desire for revenge, you create an explosion, just like when you put baking soda and vinegar together. They don't get along, and so they do the only thing they can: explode, to cover as much territory as possible and thus separate themselves from themselves.

            Ideally, Voldemort would go fuck himself and we could go on loving each other without the slightest fear. It was that which I worked towards. If I could keep us both alive, there was the chance that we would someday come back to that which we had shared together: bliss beyond anything that should be experienced in this world…

            I had to get myself ready. I would be getting on the train in merely a few minutes and I had to put on the mask of Draco Malfoy. Today it was my least favorite garment, but when I looked in my closet all the masks were the same. What was so dreadful was that I knew in less than a week it would be the mask I would have to wear for years, after only just discovering that there was supposed to be variation in my closet. 

*** 

            I pranced across my room, my stomach doing somersaults and leaps for joy.  He still loved me, he always loved me. Pansy hadn't come after all, and he had missed me something dreadful. I was going to skip dinner to go meet him in the Astronomy tower. We hadn't met up there since…since the beginning of everything, really. 

*** 

            Chocolates. Roses. Brushed hair. Cologne. Lip balm. Strawberries. What else did girls like? What would Hermoine like? Maybe a book? No. I knew her better than that. She hid behind books but really it was only because she felt her own life lacked that extra bit of excitement. Well, I could give _that_ to her. 

            What was I thinking? She would probably get suspicious if I brought all that up with me. I just wanted to make the last time I saw her the best time…I wanted her to know I loved her, even though the owl she would get tomorrow morning would say something entirely different. 

*** 

            I heard his footsteps coming slowly up the darkened staircase. I began to nervously untie the ribbon to my red cloak, letting it fall to my feet just as he stepped into the light. His face seemed gaunter than I last remembered it, his eyes lingeringly eerie, but his mouth quickly twitched into a smile and he left his cool saunter behind and ran to envelope me in his icy hug. 

            I let a joyful giggle escape my lips, and he pulled away to look down on me. He looked into my eyes, looked at me possessively, and then swooped down on me like a falcon going in for the kill. 

            His lips touched mine and didn't flit across like they used to; they bruised my mouth and made my knees go weak. He pushed me to the ground not bothering to make me comfortable—he squashed me and made my heart race, but this wasn't the Draco I remembered, he was so urgent, and I didn't feel the tinge of warmth which had been in his lips before telling me he cared. 

            Suddenly he slowed down, caressed my mouth rather than assaulting it, stroked my face with his hand and wriggled around so that I was no longer suffocating beneath him. The warmth began to creep back into his lips and I felt a moistness on his cheeks. However, by the time he pulled away and I recovered myself, there wasn't a hint that he had been crying and I wondered if I hadn't imagined it. 

            "Sorry about that…I…I guess I missed you a bit much…" This cold boy telling me sorry, opening his heart so much to me, whom he pretended to possess and then admitted that he didn't, filled my heart with joy and suddenly it was like it had been before and I couldn't resist him. I smiled up and him and we sat up, while I braided my hair away from my face. 

            "Why do you ever pull it back like that? I like it far more when it's down and messy…"

            "You know I can't stand mess," I paused, "and anyways, it would get in the way."

            "Of what?" He asked, feigning innocence.

            "Oh, well, I'm not quite sure…I was thinking…you know, since we haven't seen each other in so long…we might want to play a game of chess."

            He had been looking at me mischeiviously, a seductive glint in his eyes, and I had to say it. I never could say something like that without making a joke. Truthfully, it made me too nervous. I was scared. I didn't want to get carried away. 

            "Chess? Oh, well, you know I'm the chess champion, in fact, I don't think you even know how to play…would you like me to show you?" I was impressed. He didn't even miss a beat, and he was, once again, in control of the situation. 

            "Well, Draco…" I let his name roll off my tongue like chocolate, playing with him. "why don't you tell me the rules."

            "There are no rules."

            "No boundaries?"

            He mused over this. "My fair Hermione, the boundaries are for you to decide."

            "Hmmm. I think I shall have you teach me how to play, but you musn't take my queen, because I'm not sure I'm ready to go quite so far, honorable Draco."

            "Are you a sour loser?"

            "Only if I lose too early on." 

            "Well, then, let the game begin."


	9. I Could Be the First to Cry

A/N: I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get new chapters up…life is hectic, and since its been the holiday season I think my muse has been abandoning me off and on. But not to worry! I have broken a large boundary…if you look, you'll see that I never get past chapter eight with my other stories…then I get writers block and they end. Guess what? THIS IS CHAPTER NINE!!!

I hope you enjoy it, although it's definitely a tear jerker (and nowhere near the end), I'm sorry if it's a little short, and, as always, the only thing which belongs to me is the plot. J.K. Rowling is the genius who writes the _real_ Harry Potter books. Thank you to anyone who supplied ideas and/or inspiration. And thank you all for reading this (the story, not the note)! Extra thanks and hugs for all my beautiful reviewers!!

DEFEATED WE RISE 

CHAPTER NINE: _I Could Be the First to Cry_

            I could see the livid muscles standing out on his arm, as his hand reached out and grasped my own, pulling me up. My heart began to race. What was I getting myself into? I knew I loved him…Oh, god.

            The chilled night air whipped about my half-naked body. This boy had just ripped my robes off. Ripped my robes off…

            I put up a hand to stop him. 

            Silver orbs met my own brown ones and they were infused with light. His touch became gentle, and he used the sleeves of my ripped robe to tie it securely around my waist. I had been frightened for a moment, frightened that I had mistaken this Slytherin for something more than his actual worth, that I had finally fallen prey as so many other girls had. For a moment I had felt elated, as my blood raced and the pounding in my ears became overpowering. I had felt scared, challenged, and I had been interested. 

            He stood back from me and seemed to be appraising. His eyes were tinged with coldness again. Then he had ripped his own robes off. Underneath was clearly the reason he had been made Slytherin Seeker—a lithe body, every muscle tense and in control, almost translucent in the moonlight. He ripped he robe again and stepped closer. His body was pressed up against my own and I felt him shiver. It was January; not a time to be out of doors and in nothing but the minimum necessities. Then he took his robe and wrapped us both in it; soon our bodies, so close together, were warming our very bones even as the wind howled around us. 

            We knew the spell to make it stop, but the howling was music to our ears; and in the distance we heard the werewolves cry; the moon was full and together we were content. If the world had tumbled down around us it would have been alright; we could have stood, unshattered in the bliss of our love. But the world didn't tumble that night. 

            Earth lay serene, as he whispered to me, talked. Beliefs; that night he was all about beliefs. I began to sense that he was slightly troubled—when he asked me what the ultimate of sacrifice for love was and I said death, I felt him tense. He asked me if I would die for the one I loved; I paused, but I knew there were many I would die for. And so I answered him, shaking serenity almost to the ground.

            "What is life? And what is death? I…I would…"

            Then he held me closer, and asked, "but what if you knew to die would be to die in vain?"

            I pulled him to the ground and conjured up a mattress out of several twigs. "If you believed you could do more good to them by staying alive, if you believed there was more of a chance…I suppose then you wouldn't want to die, because then it would be stupid, wouldn't it? It wouldn't be an ultimate sacrifice. Does death scare you?"

            "Yes." He whispered.

            I couldn't help but laugh a little. I felt my leg slip in between his and told him we would always be opposites; it was life I was afraid of. 

            Then our conversation got lighter; we seemed to mutually agree that it would be better if we enjoyed ourselves and left the philosophizing to the philosophers. 

            "Have you ever been to a muggle theme park?"

            I laughed. "Draco, I was practically a muggle for eleven years. Of course! Have you?"

            He grimaced. "Unfortunately. I ate…disgusting crap…and then I went on a…roller coaster and I threw up and I couldn't use my wand to clean it up because we were around muggles all day so I stunk and I was dirty and bloody miserable!"

            "Didn't anyone warn you about eating and roller coasters? Sheesh, sometimes wizards are uneducated in the silliest things!"

            "Well, miss 'I know everything on this planet' some of us hold the belief that they are silly things, and therefore not worth knowing!" And before I could reply, he had lifted my hair out from under my head, was laying on top of me, and with a sly grin informed me, 

            "I've always wanted to braid a girls hair."

            His stomach rested upon my chest, and his elbows were propped up on either side of my neck. He had brought a large strand of hair down over my face, thankfully covering most of my blushing face. 

            "Now how do I do this?"

            I started to laugh, and spurted out, "Three—sections—(gasp)—interwoven…"

            Soon he was laughing, too, the hair was dropped and tenderly brushed off of my face and he looked down on me and smiled the largest, most un-assuming smile I had ever seen his face wear. His eyes twinkled, and I laughed more, and he laughed and soon we were gasping for air.

            "We've—started—the—laughing—dis—ease!" he splurted out, before choking on his own laughter and burying his face in my hair. 

            I wrapped my arms around him and we rolled onto our sides and the laughter began to ebb when we looked at each other and started all over again, with big, unattractive whoops of laughter. 

            I fell on top of him giggling and shoved my face on top of his own and gave him a sloppy and forceful kiss. The laughing began to subside but all seriousness had disappeared and he looked at me and I laughed again. Between kisses and laughter, we fell asleep, in each others arms wrapped in his ripped robe in the Astronomy Tower of Hogwarts Castle on a blustery January night. 

*** 

            What had started out strained and forceful, ebbed in worry and disguise, melted into unrestrained bliss, laughter, and sloppy kisses. And as I drifted off into my own cold oblivion, I heard my voice say to her ear 'I love you' and I saw a smile flit across her face. Then my eyes slammed shut and my plan fell apart as I fell asleep in the arms of the only person I loved. 

            It wasn't until some time later, when the moon was full and overhead, that I awoke. I turned my head slightly and saw her smiling even in sleep. All I wanted was to stay with her the whole night through. That simple luxury I was denied—judging by the position of the moon it was only a little after midnight, but I had to be up and off of Hogwarts grounds before any house elves were up to get in my way, which meant I probably had, at the most, three hours. 

            Lying there with her in the moonlight I marveled at the way the light danced upon the apples of her cheeks, the light fluttering of her eyelashes, her gentle stirring, the way she clung to me long after sleep had taken hold. 

            With slow, cautious movements I began to move gently away from her, writhing my arm out from under her, cursing lightly when I realized it had become completely numb due to the amount of time her body had lain on top of it. Then I drew my legs up and away and in one quick movement rolled off the mattress, quickly wrapping her in the robe so that the chilly night air wouldn't wake her. Then I crept up above her head and fumbled with the clasp to the amulet. Finally it came undone, and I carefully pulled it away, only to realize that it was my amulet, the one I had lent her for protection. Swearing under my breath I undid the other chain and removed it, taking in my grasp the actual amulet. Then I put mine back around her neck, and crept away from the bed, muttering two spells. The first one to block out the wind, because now that we were apart it's rhythms were nothing but cruel. Then I conjured several more blankets, and a set of Hogwarts robes, so that she would have something to wear when she awoke. 

            And then, I could have left. I could have summoned my broom and kicked off from the cold roof of Hogwarts. I could have been gone, I could have broken the ties I had and bound myself in loneliness. But all I wanted to do was crawl back under the covers and hide my face and tell her the next morning the royal mess I was in and have her tell me that it would all be alright, because she loved me. I crept closer, and as I got closer, close enough to hear her mellow breathing, I saw a small flash of silver. Then it was buried underneath her, on the ring finger of her left hand. The ring my father had sent to her for Christmas under my name. So that she could be followed, hunted, like an animal, like prey. I had to take that ring, it had to be gotten rid of. 

            So I did what I had wished to do. I crawled back in bed with her, and I coaxed her arm out from under the soft flesh of her body. I felt her stirring, and quickly I collapsed into a relaxed heap, praying she would think I was asleep. I took slow, deep breaths, and in a moment felt her hand push hair away from my face, and then intertwine with my own, and then her breath grew slow and her body relaxed. I lay for a good ten minutes next to her, telling myself I did so because I was being cautious. Then I took her hand and held it in my own, in the moonlight. The ring was tight on her finger. It wasn't going to come off easily. I tried easing it off. It didn't budge. The only thing I could think of was an enlarging spell, but there was so little ring and so much hand…it would be difficult to explain if in the middle of the night I had made her hand twice its usual size. I pointed my wand directly on the ring and hoped against hope that the spell was specific enough. "_Enlargo_!" even though I whispered my voice sounded harsh in the night. The ring grew gradually, but she was stirring again. It would have been much easier had she been Pansy, who slept like a rock and snored like a hippopotamus. 

            As a final adieu to 'Granger', to 'Mudblood', to the only girl I'd ever love, I put her entire finger in my mouth and sucked the ring off, causing her to smile in her sleep and even laugh a little; obviously this girl was one I could have, had I been able to stay, tickled to tears in years to come. 

            Then I summoned my broom and was about to leave when I remembered the need to help her with the entire situation by helping her to hate me. I didn't want her to be furious enough to come chasing after the Dark Lord or I, but I didn't want her to feel she knew me well enough (which she did) to know that I didn't want to be with Voldemort and didn't want him to have her amulet, and come chasing after me in burning determination, or her pure love. I had to crush her and make her feel like a fool, make her feel helpless. I only hoped that this time Ron and Harry would be there to help her out. I sat down with a conjured quill and piece of parchment and thought carefully. I would start by addressing her simply as…

                        _Hermione, _

_                        I regret to inform you that my loyalties were tested, and that my loyalty lies most greatly with my left forearm and the Mark emblazoned there. I want you to know that I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you, when I told you I found you irresistibly beautiful, when I told you that you were the smartest witch I knew. But I want you to know that I will always be cold, I will always be ruthless, I will always have power as my mistress. So I thank you for the light you brought to my life for the last few months and I thank you for the amulet you brought to my Master. Rest assured that your life will be spared, and if you ever come to the realization that you are on the losing end of the battle and wish to cross over, simply come to my door and, since you have given us the token of world domination and an immortal Master, I am sure we can accept you within our circle even though you have a rather unfortunate blood line._

            I hated how dispassionate my letter was. I knew better than to sign my name, because without a name she would have no proof that it had, indeed, been Draco Malfoy to take this amulet (which no one knew of) and that, indeed, Draco Malfoy was a Death Eater who worked for Voldemort.  I scanned the parchment for fingerprints and had them removed, then placed the letter, rolled up and tied with a green ribbon, on the pillow where my head had lain. Then I mounted my broom, and only when I was in the air did I dare to look down on her. I watched as her form got smaller and smaller, and then I let myself go, I let myself mourn my loss, and shouted to her in the howling night, frozen in the air, shouted to her about how it was so unfair, shouted to her how much I loved her, yelled at her because my heart would have still been frozen had it not been for one lazy afternoon and a bloody girl in front of the Gryffindor portrait. It was then that I felt the wind sting my cheeks, and felt that they were wet. As the youngest in a long line of cruel, ruthless men and women, I very well could have been the first to cry. 

A/N: So Draco's off to become the cruel Death Eater he had always wanted to be, and it doesn't look so glorious any more…Hermione is left in the Astronomy Tower fast asleep…how will events unfold when she wakes up? Will Harry and Ron be there? Will she be able to deal with Ron's reaction? All these questions (and more) will be answered soon, I promise! Please, _please_ **review **(NOW)!!


	10. Boys Like You Don't Cry

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  **2002**! I wanted to thank everyone for reviewing chapter nine, and decided to do so by getting chapter ten up as soon as possible…and making it extra long, since chapter nine was so short. As always, J.K. Rowling is the original genius behind it all…I just own my plot, and Leona Naess is the wonderful artist behind the song lyrics printed below (from her song 'Boys Like You') Enjoy!!!

DEFEATED WE RISE

CHAPTER TEN: Boys Like You Don't Cry

_'My baby's gone and everybody knows_

_The fever hit me in my fingers and through _

_my toes_

_This baby's gone and boy you know it shows_

_This baby's gone_

_Will I see you again? _

_When I knew you my heart was in bends_

_And I know I never said goodbye_

_But boys like you don't ever, ever cry…'_

            I woke with a start. Where was I? The light poured down on me, a few birds sang, and the snow glowed bright silver. Then I closed my eyes and smiled as the memories flooded back. Draco…

            The notion that he loved me grew stronger with every moment I lay there. I stretched my arms out to him…only to feel mattress and more mattress. _He must have gotten up for breakfast._ Of course. I sat up and looked around. No Draco. I glanced at my watch. It was only half past six. Breakfast hadn't even started yet. Panicking I stood up, only to clutch at myself when I realized I was still half nude. I saw the robes at the edge of the bed and bent to pick one up. As I was standing up I saw a note left on the bed for me. _I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation._ My heart pounded this message over and over, but my mind, damn it's logical nature, told me it was over, he was gone, he had left me alone. Alone, all fucking alone. 

            I threw the robe over myself, breathing in his scent as I did so. I clung to the robe, afraid to read what his note said. _Get a hold of yourself, Hermoine. You're strong enough for whatever it says. You know he loves you, anyways. Didn't he tell you that?_ With a pang I realized that I had never actually heard him say those three little words, I just automatically assumed…_never assume with a Malfoy._

Fingers, hand, arm, shaking, I bent to pick up the scroll left lying where his head should have been. I slipped the green ribbon off, threw one last prayer up to a God I was becoming more and more certain actually did hate me, and unfurled the parchment. 

                        _Hermione,_

            Not 'Dear Hermoine', not 'love', no 'darling,' only 'Hermione'. Oh, God…

It all poured out then. I cried and deciphered his cold lines. 

            _'I regret to inform you that my loyalties were tested, and that my loyalty lies most greatly with my left forearm and the Mark emblazoned there.'_

            Then I reached for my amulet. It was gone. Draco? He wouldn't have…how could he? _How could you ever expect him to love you, when his whole life he called you a Mudblood and told you himself he would always hate you and your like?_ The voice in the back of my head stung and brought me slowly to my knees. 

            _'I want you to know that I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you, when I told you I found you irresistibly beautiful, when I told you that you were the smartest witch I knew.'_

            _But did he tell you he loved you? Did he call you beautiful? _

            "Just fucking shut up! I love him…I love him…" I was yelling at myself and I didn't care…I loved a Death Eater and he…he loved me, too. Only, his love wasn't strong enough.

            _'But I want you to know that I will always be cold, I will always be ruthless, I will always have power as my mistress. So I thank you for the light you brought to my life for the last few months and I thank you for the amulet you brought to my Master.'_

"The amulet I brought to your Master? Fuck you, Draco Malfoy! You know I'd never, ever, ever…"

            _You knew he was a Death Eater. You were perfectly aware that you were putting the entire wizarding world in jeopardy. Don't deny it. _

_            'Rest assured that your life will be spared, and if you ever come to the realization that you are on the losing end of the battle and wish to cross over, simply come to my door and, since you have given us the token of world domination and an immortal Master, I am sure we can accept you within our circle even though you have a rather unfortunate blood line.'_

            "You're the biggest bastard I've ever…_loved_…and I'll have you know that I will never, ever, EVER join you and that miserable shit you call 'Master'! But I'll also have you know, Draco Malfoy, you're the only boy I'll ever…" I bent over, clutching the letter, and, as many times that I told myself I wouldn't cry over someone so worthless, someone who had caused me so much pain, I felt the hot liquid pouring out of my eyes and succumbed to my emotion. 

_'" as a…boy…and as a human, when I look into your eyes I see boy to girl, not pureblood to mudblood. I see equal to equal, because you're the only person I've ever met who can challenge my wit. And I figure if I let that die, I'd be awfully bored."'_

                        Memories choked out the tears and made a small smile sit on my mouth as I choked, bent over, overcome by the memories…

            _            '"I just was coming to tell you it's been a month."_

_            I looked up at him. I looked at my arms, which were covered in little silvery scars, but had no new gashes. I had gone back to living relatively normally, and I mainly had him to thank. _

_            I knew that I would be bringing parts of my nightmare into existence by going forth with this, but somehow, I felt that I would lose more should I hold back._

_            He had gotten up to leave._

_            "Draco…" He turned around and looked questioningly at me. "Please don't go."'_

I admitted to myself that it was all my fault. Everything was my fault. I had initiated the entire thing. _Hermione,_ that annoying voice in my head spoke to me, _you know you'd be worse off if none of it had ever happened, so be thankful for that. Now stand up, take a deep breath, brush yourself off, get rid of the mattress and everything, and go down to breakfast._

Numbly I stood up. My legs were shaky, I was weak. The mattress turned back into twigs, the blankets to pebbles, and I was left with a note, our ripped robes, and a quill with the Malfoy name on it. I broke it in half. 

            I walked slowly to breakfast, knowing I looked frightful, smiling slightly as the memories continued to wash over me. Consequently, I didn't notice the familiar footsteps of Professor Snape coming up behind me until it was too late. 

            "Miss Granger, what on earth are you doing wandering around the Castle, and in these parts, before breakfast hours?"

            "It's not breakfast time yet, Professor?"

            "No, Miss Granger, it most certainly is not. It's not even seven o'clock yet, and you know perfectly well that breakfast doesn't start until half past. What on earth are you trying to hide from me?"

            "N-nothing, Professor, I must have read my watch wrong, I'll just be going back to the Gryffindor—"

            He looked at me suspiciously and then cut me off. "Miss Granger, may I read that piece of parchment you are so carefully trying to hide?" He phrased it as a question, but I knew it was a demand. 

            "Professor, it really isn't necessary. Draco's gone and that's all…"

            "Draco?"

            "Well, you know, Malfoy…" _Shit._

Suddenly his glare softened somewhat, and he said, in an almost comforting manner, "Miss Granger, why don't you make your way down to the breakfast hall, I'm certain the house elves will only be too happy to provide you with an early breakfast. Then, if you feel up to it, I believe a few faculty members may wish to have a word with you." 

            "Yes, Professor. Thank you." 

            He merely nodded his head at me and stalked off down the corridor, rounding the corner with a final swish of his black cloak.

*** 

            "Yes, Severus? What may I do for you this early in the morning?" I tugged the sleep cap off of my head and put on my half-moon spectacles, peering down my nose at a very worried Severus Snape. 

            "Albus, have you been in contact with Lucius Malfoy recently?"

            "Yes, I have…he came here a week ago and informed me that Draco would be transferring to Durmstrang. Didn't you know?"

            "Did he give you any specific reasons?"

            "Only his usual complaints upon how this school is run, although I fear there may be more to it."

            "So do I…"

*** 

            I wasn't really hungry, but I didn't particularly look forward to speaking with the Headmaster about Draco…especially since the little bastard had so cleverly left absolutely no proof that it had been him. He had even erased his fingerprints. 

            Giving up on my oatmeal, I gathered my things up and headed for Dumbledore's office. 

            "Umm…Peppermints? Chocolate frogs? Lemon twists? Ooh…mint chocolate bon bon's?" The gargoyle slowly slid open, admitting me passage. When I reached the top of the stairs, I was surprised to find the door open, and McGonnagal, Snape, and Dumbledore looking soberly back at me. 

            Dumbledore motioned for me to come in and take a seat. He smiled wanly at me. 

            "Dear Miss Granger…Severus told me that somehow you knew of Mister Malfoy's departure even before most of the faculty did…would you enlighten us as to why this was?"

            "I…well, I only knew this morning…"

            "Very _early_ in the morning." Snape interjected.

            Dumbledore held up a hand. "Severus, I am asking _Miss_ _Granger _to tell us her version of events. Please wait your turn."

            "I can't…I'm sorry. Where did he go?" Even though he had so thoroughly betrayed me, I couldn't betray him…I couldn't do it. 

            "He was supposed to transfer to Durmstrang, Miss Granger, although it wasn't supposed to happen for another week…Professors Snape and McGonnagal, perhaps I should talk to Miss Granger alone." They got up and exited silently. "I know your parents death was a very difficult thing for you to cope with. And I know, as wonderful as Misters Potter and Weasely are, they didn't have a clue as to helping you through your grief. Now, I observe this school, but when students are being secretive, I'm very prone to miss things. My observance was that you and Mister Malfoy became friends of sorts. Am I correct?"

            "Yes…"

            "Perhaps more than friends?" 

            "Mmhmm…"

            "Would you object to me reading the letter he left you?"

            "No, only…there's no proof he wrote it, and, oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I honestly didn't mean to!" As I broke down, Dumbledore rose from his desk and came to envelope me in a gentle hug. I recovered myself enough to hand him the letter, wiped the tears from my eyes, and sat up straight, staring ahead into oblivion. _If I didn't think, everything would be fine…_

            "You believe this to be from Mister Malfoy?"

            "I _know_ it's from him!"

"Miss Granger, do you love him?"

            "Yes, I do." Dumbledore steeped his fingers together and let a long 'ahhh' escape his mouth as he nodded to himself.

            "What, exactly, was this amulet?"

            "It was the Amulet of Gaia. It was supposed to make it impossible for my enemies to kill me, but if put in the wrong hands, there was a powerful spell of dark magic which would make the wizard who used the spell immortal. Which is why Voldemort wanted it so much."

            "I see that you, like Harry, aren't afraid to say his name."

            "I'm not letting a thing like him destroy me, I'm not letting him scare me! Professor, I'll do everything I can to undo the wrong I've done, I promise. My whole life I've wanted to be a teacher, and since I was eleven I wanted to teach here, but, now…now I'm going to become an Auror, and I swear to you that I will either kill that beast or die trying…" 

            "Miss Granger, this is not your fault. You were a pawn in a much larger game and I would much prefer it if you would continue with your plans to educate the young here…"

            "I'm sorry, professor, but I simply can't do that! I can't let him get Harry, Ron, Ron's family! He's done too much to me. I can't just sit back and say, 'oh, that's fine, Voldemort, no, I don't mind that you've taken my love and made him yours, no, I don't mind that you've killed my best friends, no, I don't miss my parents at all, hey, why don't you kill me too?' I'm going to get that amulet back, I swear!"

            "Miss Granger, I beg you that this time you leave it to the adults to handle. Please stay out of this. Promise me that you won't try to fight until you've at least had proper Auror training. Be rational."

            I took a few deep breaths, let some of the fire die within me, and promised him that I would wait. 

            "Thank you. Now, I leave it up to you whether you wish to go to the Hospital Wing and recuperate, or go to your classes and get on with life."

            "I'm going to class."

            "I thought so. Don't wear yourself out, Miss Granger, and while there is no proof regarding this letter, I believe you, and I'm very, very sorry that this war had to get between the two of you. I believe Mister Malfoy's intentions were, at least at some point, very honest and very good. Would you like to keep this letter?"

            "Yes, thank you, Professor."

            "You're welcome. You're just in time for double Potions, and I dare say Severus will be a little more understanding today. You deserve a bit of a break. Good luck, Hermione."

            I smiled and rushed to Potions, getting in the door a good five minutes late.

            "Ah, good morning Miss Granger. Please take your seat." Snape gave me his version of an amused smile and I took my seat as the entire class gawked. "Today we will be studying Veritaserum. I trust you all know what this is?"

            A half hour into double Potions we were partnered up and I was with Ron. 

            "Where were you? Why did Snape just let you come in late like that?"

            "I had to help the professors with a few things."

            "Did you hear?"

            "Hear what?"

"'Mione, you wouldn't believe it! That slimy git, Malfoy, is gone! He's gone off to Durmstrang! I tell you, he just made my day! Isn't it wonderful?" 

             "Yeah, whatever you say, Ron…"

            "Well, aren't you thrilled? I mean, the bastards finally gone!"

            "Sometimes, Ron, things aren't quite as they seem. What looks good can really be bad, and what seems bad can be really good, sometimes."

            "Hermione, what are you trying to say? That you actually wish Malfoy was still here?"

            "Ron, if you knew the whole story, or almost the whole story, like I do, believe me, you'd wish the little bastard was here calling me a mudblood right now. You'd be praying for it." 

            "'Mione, is there something you've neglected to tell me? I mean, I know you pretty well, and I normally know everything you know, and you know everything I know, because we're a team, y'know?"

            "Ron…"

            "Miss Granger, Mister Weasely, is there a problem?"

            "No, Professor Snape, Hermione and I are just fi—"

            "Actually, Professor, I apologize for interrupting your class, but do you think I could take Ron and Harry and talk to them for a bit? About, um, you know?"

            "Miss Granger, as important as the matter is to you, I cannot simply let you take my class time up, and would not, under normal circumstances, ever let you do so. However, as I am needed in the Headmaster's office, and _Trelawny_ is taking over the class, it is obvious that very little will be accomplished. So yes, the three of you may go back to the Gryffindor common room. You're excused."

            Ron gawked at me and Harry held an awed smile on his face as they followed me out and up to the common room. 

            I led them up to the girls' dormitory, because I knew some of the third years had free periods now and didn't want them listening in on our conversation, which was apt to get very loud and potentially violent. 

            "Ron, I'm really, really sorry for everything…had I known things would end up this way, I might not have ever…but that doesn't matter, I did."

            "Why aren't you apologizing to Harry, too?"

            "'Cause he knows half of the story…not because I told him, but because he's a snoop and can't mind his own business…I never meant to leave you two out of everything, but life got…complex."

            "Ron, what she's trying to say, what she's going to say, is going to come as a shock to you. But I want you to know that I talked to him and he loves her."

            "What, so 'Miones got a boyfriend? What's this have to do with Malfoy?"

            "Ron, why don't you sit down?" I waited for him to take a seat. "remember when my parents died?"

            "How could I forget?"

            "How well do you remember that day?"

            "There was a Hogsmeade trip, and you had to go talk to Dumbledore, and it took forever, so we left, and then you went and cut your wrists 'cause your parents were dead and Malfoy found you an—"

            "So Malfoy found me. And that's really where this whole story begins…I guess I should tell both of you everything, since, Harry, you only really know what you've pieced together and you probably have it all wrong anyways…"

            "Ron? Promise me one thing, right?"

            "Yeah, what?"

            "To stay calm, and no yelling, and no throwing objects or hitting people."

            "Jesus, I may have red hair and my family may be known for their tempers, but I'm never that bad!"

            "Well.."

            "Yes, anyways, as I was saying. Two weeks later I came back to classes, but then I didn't make it even to the beginning of first period—"

            "Which is when you went to talk to McGonnagal."

            "No. Which is when I attacked Draco Malfoy and stabbed him with my quill until he bled. And then passed out in his dorm room."

            Now I had both Harry and Ron's attention. Harry's hand was firmly clamped over Ron's mouth, because he clearly wanted me to continue. 

            "I don't know why I did it, I suppose because I was angry, and I knew his father was a Death Eater, and because he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As I was attacking him I happened to learn something about him which, had I told either of you, would have been his death. Sort of. Dementor Kiss style."

            Ron ripped Harry's hand free. "Ha! So he _is_ a Death Eater! I _knew_ it!"

            Harry was looking at me incredulously. "You said he couldn't hurt you. You told me to _trust_ him…" Now he just looked hurt. 

            "Harry, please let me explain!"

            "I don't know if I want to hear the rest!"

            "Harry, please, you've got to! I _need_ you…"

            He looked at me, wounded, but continued to sit on my bed and watch my pacing form. 

            "I woke up in Draco's dorm, and he was surprisingly nice to me. Of course, by this point I knew he was a Death Eater—only he didn't know I knew. I asked him why he was putting up with me, why he was helping me, and he said something about understanding, and then I informed him that he was a Death Eater and he…well, things turned violent—only for a second, though—and then we had both calmed down, and he basically talked me into letting him help me. He knew I was going crazy, and so he bargained with me—asked me to give him a chance, give him one month, and if, in one month, I wasn't on my way to being healed, then I could tell him to go away and he would never bother me again. So I agreed, because I knew otherwise he would just keep bothering and bothering me, I guess. I wanted help."

            "'Mione, you put your life in the hands of a fucking Death Eater?"

            "Yeah, we went over that part. I asked him why he didn't kill me on the spot, I think I asked him that right before you found us, Harry, and he told me he hated mudbloods, but he wouldn't kill me, because he saw me as an equal, and as a boy sees a girl…he told me that he couldn't kill me because, even though Voldemort was his Master, he thought I would be a fair match for him and he wanted to see it. He also said that I was the smartest witch he had ever met, and liked to talk with me, I guess."

            "Oh, how sweet, I bet your heart just melted." Harry slapped Ron. 

            "So then Harry found us, and we argued and they talked and he decided it was best to just keep quiet about the whole thing, 'cause if Draco's dad found out we would both be as good as dead. Draco was completely going against Voldemort and his father by helping me. The month was almost up when I had this really weird dream…my mom and dad talked to me, and so did you, Ron, and you were telling me that Draco was gone and how wonderful it was…my dad gave me this amulet, and told me I would need it soon, and my mom told me to trust the Dragon, even though he betrayed me…and Draco is Latin for Dragon…"

            "But it was just a dream, you can't believe everything that happens in your dreams."

            "No, it would be stupid to do that. I wouldn't have listened to any of it, except that when I woke up in the morning the amulet was around my neck."

            "Why didn't you ever tell us about it? What is it? Is that it?" Ron pointed to Draco's amulet, which I still wore around my neck. 

            "No, Ron, this isn't it. I don't have it anymore."

            "Who does?"

            "I'll get to that. The next thing that happened, really, was that I fell in love with Draco Malfoy in the library."

            Harry started laughing, because Ron had turned bright red. 

`           "W-What?!" 

            "Well, not really in the library, but I was looking up the amulet, and he came in, and told me a month was up, and I told him I didn't want him to go."

            "Eww! Mione!"

            "Well…" I paused and smiled, "that was the truth. And then we went down to the lake, and I don't think you or Harry really wants the details, but basically we, uh, became more than friends."

            "But you two were still hurling insults at each other like mad, in fact, you were worse than either me or Harry!"

            "It was an act. I, we, didn't want the school to know. It was secret, 'cause, like I said before, if his dad found out, we'd be as good as dead."

            "Did Lucius find out?" This was Harry.

            "Yes, Harry, he must have. Draco must have gone through hell over the holidays." I paused, "that is, unless he didn't love me at all and was…and was…" I _wasn't_ going to cry. Not in front of my two best friends. Not like this. Not over _him_. "Anyways, he finally wrote me at the Burrow, and sent me my Christmas present, a ring, which I don't have anymore, either…and he told me what the amulet was, because he had looked it up at home and it was the Amulet of Gaia."

            "The what?" Harry and Ron both looked lost.

            "Gaia is the earth goddess. Basically, if it appears for someone, like it did for me, then that person can't be killed by their enemies. Can be harmed, but not killed. Only, you have to activate it, and I never figured that part out. There is one other use for it. It involves dark magic, and lots of it, but the amulet can be, I guess _bent_, sort of, and make the wizard using the dark magic completely immortal. Hence, Voldemort has great use for it."

            "You mean, he has it now?"

            "Yes." Enough. Enough. I started to cry, and then I was sobbing and Harry and Ron looked at each other and simultaneously got up and began hugging me and telling me it was alright.

            Then I calmed down, and they sat down, and I told them the rest. "Last night, Draco and I…were in the Astronomy Tower, and we fell asleep, and when I woke up this morning, I was alone, and the bastard had taken the amulet and left me a note, a fucking note! Harry, Ron, this wouldn't be so bad, but I love him, and I have this strong…belief, I just know, even now, somehow, that he loves me too. And I'm so lost…but I'm gonna kill Voldemort, just wait. He's…he's, oh, God may hate me, but, like I told Draco last night, it's not death that scares me, it's life…and so the monster is _going down_."

            Both Ron and Harry just sat there for a few minutes digesting everything, while I repeatedly threw my vase on the floor, fixed it with magic, and threw it again. 

            "What I want to know is what went on in Malfoy Manor over the holidays. If he does love you, and I also believe he does, or at least did at some point, because I could tell he did that night I talked to him, and that was pretty early on, then I'm betting Lucius, the bastard, used an Imperius curse on him for awhile, maybe starved him, I mean, God knows the Malfoy's have the largest dungeon in the country, and the cruelest methods, and his father doesn't know what love is…can I see your Christmas note?"

            I nodded and pulled it out, along with last nights note. 

            "Hermione, compare the handwriting from Christmas to the handwriting from last night. In the first one, it's sloppy and there are bit which don't fit in with the letter at all. The last part is completely scrawled. Last nights' is perfectly neat, controlled. My bet is that this first note, this love letter, that Lucius dictated that, and Draco was fighting. I remember when we were being tested with the Imperious curse, I think in Moody's class, and I remember hearing that Malfoy was one of the few who could fight it. It would make sense that in a family like that one was trained to fight it from an early age, y'know? How was he when he came back?"

            "Wonderful…"

            "Oh, god, I didn't mean like that!"

            "No, no, I mean…I don't know."

            "Right. What are you planning on doing? How are you going to kill Voldemort?"

            "I'm gonna become an Auror, only, in secret. Once my training is completed, I'm going to go to Draco with big puppy dog eyes and tell him that he was right, I was on the losing side, and could I join him? Naturally he'll take me in, and then I'll kick some dark wizarding ass."

            "_I_ thought you were going to be a teacher…"

A/N: So how long will it take to go through wizarding training? Will Hermione be able to get to the amulet before Voldemort uses it for himself? Will everyone be really wonderful and review lots and lots and lots? Stay tuned to find out more…


	11. Sin

Author's Note: Sorry it's been so many months since I posted anything…not only was my schedule really hectic (I know, excuses, excuses) but I had horrible writer's block! But it's over, and I'm happy with this chapter…so, enjoy, and remember that none of the characters belong to me, J.K. Rowling writes the actual Harry Potter books, but I do own my plot!

**Defeated We Rise**

CHAPTER ELEVEN: **Sin**

_            Six years pass, years in which full-blown war falls upon the wizarding world, forever to change the universe, for better or worse, depending upon who should win. In these six years, our two main characters don't once cross each other's paths. Working towards opposite goals, they secretly avoid each other, knowing it to be their duty to kill the other upon first sight. This is not to say that Hermione Granger loves Draco Malfoy. It is only to say, that for all the blood and horror she has seen in the past few years of her auror-hood, she is still a warm-hearted woman, and cannot find it within herself to harm someone she once did love…she cannot find it within herself to hate him, no matter how many wrong deeds he commits towards her and her kind. Instead, each keeps carefully posted on the other's whereabouts and actions, about their private as well as business life. _

_            Hermione Granger is 23; she is unmarried and without boyfriend. She resides within the highest rank of Aurors and is on the Dark Lord's 'potentially dangerous' list. Living alone in London at an unknown location, she is said to have few friends and it has been rumored that she has an affinity for alcohol. Her friends are the same as always—Ronald Weasley, former Beater for the Chudley Cannons and new Minister of Magic, Harry Potter, former Auror resigned to the quiet life of fatherhood and husbandry, with his wife Ginny Weasley, a model-turned-mother of three. _

_            Draco Malfoy has just reached the age of 24; he is rumored to be severe in all his dealings, and while immensely popular among the ladies, there are none whom he has taken seriously. A favorite on the 'most-wanted' list in the muggle world, Hermione watches many cheap criminal shows on late night television to catch his picture and hear the muggles latest version of his dealings. He has been accused of bombing various important muggle landmarks around the world, and killing innocent civilians; each landmark was a disguise for various Ministry buildings and each person inside a Ministry official. He is the sole survivor to the Malfoy name, and consequently a very wealthy individual. He is, as always, without friends or company, but it is a known fact he loves his alcohol dearly. _

            Opening a bottle of red wine, I poured myself one generous glass. I knew I had been accused of alcoholism; such was not the case. I liked wine, for its flavor and for the warmth it occasionally allowed my body, but it was not, as of yet, a necessity. I turned on the television, then flicked it off again. No more criminal shows. Goddamn that man, six years and I still couldn't get him out of my head. Recently returned from Paris, where I had been hailed heroin of the city, it was nice to be home again. They had almost succeeded in destroying the Notre Dame, and while I have an affection for muggle cathedrals, I would not have gone out of my way to stop them. But Notre Dame wasn't really a cathedral, was it? No. Top Ministry headquarters in all of France, Voldemort had been plotting its downfall for months now. I happened upon a chance bit of information, almost too late. But I saved Harry's life, Notre Dame still stands—one more victory for us, hurrah! 

            Harry Potter, turned 'Man-still-living', one of my dearest friends, is said to reside with his wife Ginny, and is said to want nothing to do with this war. Of course, none of us want to deal with war. But do you really think Harry Potter could just sit back and let the rest of us go at it? Of course not. Our top underground hit man, Notre Dame was his closest call yet. 

            My fingers itched to get at the control. It would be on in five minutes. _Not tonight, Hermione; you need your rest. _It was 11:55 at night and all I could think of was seeing his picture blazing across that large, black screen. It would appear, he had been spotted in America yesterday, and had killed many 'innocent civilians' _my compatriots_. I had been lucky, escaping his grasp after all these years, after all the times of yearning just to run into his arms, put all this behind me, willing to give it all up for just one more kiss. I had kept myself carefully in check, and I no longer yearned as I used to. Harry and Ron had tried, to no avail, to set me up with various men, but they always repulsed me, so I lay alone in my bed and tracked Draco Malfoy's whereabouts. 

*** 

            Helping myself to my third glass of a tangy white wine, I liked the way the room became ever-so-slightly blurred. I didn't like sharp edges, since that was what I was all about. Sitting in front of the large black muggle invention called television, I contemplated what to watch. On channel 31, I knew I would be making yet another guest appearance on their 'most wanted' list. Channels 11, 17, 23, and 52, Hermione Granger would be making multiple appearances as France's newest and dearest heroin. Which to watch? 

            Of course, this wasn't too difficult a decision, after all, I knew perfectly well what I had done in America, and how close I had come to being captured. Quickly turning the television to channel 52, I saw a close up of her face, beaming, in a smile suggesting hours of hard work finally paying off in floods of relief. Soot smudged on her face and it appeared her lip was bleeding, because she kept dabbing at it with a handkerchief. Her hair was still long, but it was knotted and thrown back messily. The innocence was gone from her large brown eyes, and despite the relief of the moment she didn't look happy. She looked tired and I felt overcome with the sporadic desire to abandon everything and make her my wife. Angrily, I turned the television off, finished my wine, and went down into the dungeons to check on my many captives—a favorite pastime of any gory Death Eater. 

*** 

            "Listen, Hermione, I know you've all but given up on these blind dates, but you really need a break from all your work, and I happen to know this great guy who's a bit…_infatuated_ with you. Won't you give him a chance? I told him you'd meet him at the Café Au Lait tomorrow at five."

            "Ron, for the _last_ time, I'm not interested, I don't want to go, and I don't really need you making all these plans for me. I'm fine, _really_. Anyways, I can't, because I promised Sirius I would get right on that clue about Voldemort's top circles' whereabouts, and I have a feeling I'm going to be spending tomorrow evening investigating a certain apartment complex on the upper east side."

            "Great! I'll send him along!"

            "Ron, as the Minister of Magic, you, of all people, should know you can't get random people involved in these things! I'm sorry if your job's boring, but can you _please_ stop toying with my personal life?" I was joking with him, and he knew it. 

            "Alright. Who do you suggest I send in your place this time?" 

            "What about Melanie? Or are _you_ sweet on her?"

            He blushed a bit and said, "Melanie? Of course I'm not sweet on her! Our relationship is completely business oriented. But I don't think this would be the guy for her…Caroline?"

            "Sure. I don't know the guy, so one girl is as good as the next, I suppose. I wanted to tell you about my lead ins with this Voldemort business…apparently his top circle is congregating somewhere tomorrow night, and, mark my word, they're up to something. I'm not sure who exactly will be there, but I have a feeling it could get messy. I think they're in the Trafalgar Apartments. I think they've bought the whole building. If that much money is being used for one meeting, then there's only one man who could be behind it…"

            "The infamous Draco Malfoy."

            "Right. He's back from America, and I think they're targeting _our_ Ministry this time. I suggest you clear everyone out."

            "I can't clear everyone out. We have five locations, and if they own the building, they can squat and wait till I put everyone back to work. They've got to be squashed. But are you sure you're the woman for the job? Can you deal with him?"

            "I don't know if I can deal with him, but I'm the only one Sirius trusts to lead the units in. Listen, I'm going over there tomorrow at six, just to check everything out; if you don't hear from me within that night take it as a bad sign and have everyone on duty but at unusual locations; have them work from home for a few days if possible. I have this idea…Ron, do you remember what I told back in seventh year? How I would eventually kick Voldemorts' ass?"

            "Yeah, but, 'Mione, times are different now. You can't just march in there. They won't accept you."

            "They'll accept me for long enough. I finally figured out a spell which should disarm Voldemort of Gaia's power…it won't kill him, but it will make him vulnerable again. I plan on getting in there, and using it."

            "How do you plan on getting out?"

            "If I can, I'll try to do it at a time when I can kill every witness to my crime and then escape, or…"

            "Or what, Mione? You need back up."

            "Can you work that out?"

            "You bet. Harry's still our best weapon, and this is a fight he'll be all too willing to participate in."

*** 

            Trafalgar Apartments were lush, exquisitely furnished, and equipped with the best wizarding security. Overall, I was quite pleased with my choice. Voldemort had left me with specific instructions. Plan the destruction of the British Ministry, the death of Minister Ronald Weasley, and plan for every plan to be interrupted. Voldemort had suddenly decided that the rest of the world didn't really matter. He would conquer Britain, and then we could try at France and America once again. 

            Halfway through the first stratagem, the door disappeared with a popping noise and in its place were at least a hundred wizards with only one goal: to kill us. They were dressed haphazardly, unlike our own uniform of black silk, but one stood out among many: a girl with flowing chestnut hair, deep chocolaty eyes, tight azure robes, and a look of such complete confusion I almost didn't recognize her. It was Hermione Granger, standing no more that fifty feet from me, doing nothing, while her cohorts shot curses all around. Then her eyes met mine and she let out a small gasp. Taking quick, sure steps forward, she grabbed me by the wrist, and, with her lips just grazing my ear, whispered, "Draco! You've got to get me out of here! I've made a horrible mistake…" She looked weak and so I plucked her wand from her fingertips and apparated back to Malfoy Manor, not really caring what went on in the Trafalgar Apartments. 

*** 

            My heart beat in my chest like a locomotive gone awry, as he took my wand out of my fingertips, placed his arm securely around my waist and disapparated. Within moments I was standing in the entrance hall to Malfoy Manor, and I was under wand-point. 

            "Hermione Granger. I really didn't expect to see you again. Nor did I expect you would make everything so easy for me. What are you doing, handing yourself over without a fight?"

            "Draco, I…" at this moment I stopped being Hermione Granger and flung on the disguise I knew I would have to wear. "I realized I've made an awful mistake! I don't care if you put me in your dungeons, I know I deserve it, but _please_ listen to me…" I felt all my pride being shattered as I begged for penance at his feet. He looked down at me and the wand was wavering in his hand. 

            He sighed, looking slightly bored, yet very much taken aback. I realized that in six years he had changed completely. He didn't have any of the heart he had had in earlier years. He took me roughly be the forearm and led me down countless hallways in a meandering path. Trained to memorize directions, I tried, but found myself dizzy with the complications. Finally we came to a staircase, and he began to pull me down it. Halfway down, I began to hear the shrieks, and smell the rot of old flesh. I was to be put in the dungeons. 

            Mumbling something under his breath one of the cells opened, and he placed me inside. Once I was securely locked up, he sat down opposite me, outside my cell, and said, "You had something you wished to tell me?"

*** 

            Locked up and somewhat terrified, she glowed with a radiance I had seldom seen on any woman. I was slightly apprehensive, because I knew I could very well be leading myself into a complicated trap, but at the moment I was in complete control over the situation. "You had something you wished to tell me?" I asked her indifferently, pretending not to really care, as every atom in my body focused on the words about to come out of her mouth. 

            "Draco, I have tried, for six years, to fight for Dumbledore and to avenge my parents deaths. I have fought what I considered a noble cause…but last week, after the whole Notre Dame incident, when I came so close to death—God knows I've come close many times—I realized I couldn't go on like this anymore!" she paused, and I caught myself leaning forward in my seat, so I could be closer to the body which spoke these words. Is it possible? Could she still yearn for me as I yearned for her? "I suppose in some ways you know me like the palm of your own hand, and you know that I would never give up my beliefs for someone else—otherwise I wouldn't be sitting behind these bars tonight, would I? If it weren't for my damned confusion and my refusal to see what I should have seen years ago, I could have had everything my heart desired. But I was stupid and headstrong, and I wouldn't accept…" she paused again and sniffled a little. Her eyes were beginning to grow red along the rims and she pulled out a very crumpled piece of parchment. I realized with a pang it was the ending letter I had written her so many years ago. "I don't need this anymore, I have it memorized, but I was wondering if you would be true to your word…I know I have done your compatriots great harm, I may have even wounded you at some point—but there hasn't been a night I haven't wished I could be in your arms, and now that I see which side will clearly win this bloody war…" She hung her head, and I knew that it must have greatly wounded her pride to say all of that to me. I reached through the bars for her hands, and took them in my own. 

            In a great effort to steady my voice, I whispered, "A Malfoy is ever true to his word, and, should you like to join us, should you like to join me under the Malfoy name, you are, as always, welcome, Hermione."

            "Despite my parentage? My actions?"

            "It is clear you realize you sinned, so there is no reason we should be anything but forgiving. I think it unnecessary for you to stay behind bars, tonight." I smiled at her as the door opened to her cage, and pulled her up from her crouching position on the floor. She came close to me and nestled her head gently upon my shoulder. Then, to save us the trouble of walking such a long distance, I apparated us into the Malfoy bedchamber's which I now occupied, and had the house elves fetch her clean robes, and bring us dinner. 

*** 

            Just like that he had bought every word out of my mouth. Was I that convincing? Or did he have a greater plan in mind which I knew nothing of? Maybe his ego had just grown enormously big over the last years. It had been large when he was still at Hogwarts, but he wouldn't have bought those lies in a million years. What if they used a truth potion on me? I had been trained to resist them, to lie through them, but if he used a strong one, resisting would kill me and nothing would be accomplished. Slowly I coiled my hair around my head, tugging at the white night dress I had been given. It was shorter than the one I wore at home, and cut much lower at the neck, but it was very beautiful, nonetheless, and I could only wonder who else had worn it. Had it been his mothers? 

            A slight chill cascaded down my spine when I realized I was beginning to enjoy my stay with him again. Part of me was repulsed, knowing his hands were anything but clean of sin, knowing that within hours Ginny would be yelling in outrage at my treachery, Ron would be worried sick, since I didn't tell him what I actually had in mind, and Draco…he planned on making me his wife! I hadn't seen that one coming, only him being infatuated enough to have a little fling…but to be bound to his soul under God in holy matrimony…both my parents had been highly religious, and the thought of bringing harm towards him after that…oh, how would this story end? 

            A slight tap on the door, and I glanced nervously once more at the mirror before shyly opening it. I may have seen battle, saved lives, taken lives, helped Ginny through birth during the famous battle of Thames, but I had never been close to anyone, not since my Hogwarts days in the Astronomy Tower, so many years ago…as I opened the door I looked directly into his slate gray eyes, and I knew that deep within my soul, I didn't want to hurt this man. So I resolved to love him with all my might, give him everything I could, and hope he would understand my mixed plans of actions and eventually forgive me…if I would be alive to be forgiven. 

            After several glasses of wine so divine alcoholism seemed next to God, I felt his lips close in on my own and I felt a surging up of wholeness within my body once again, as his lips trailed down my neck to my collarbone and his smooth, gentle hands softly slid the straps of the nightgown off of my shoulders. He pushed me down onto that bed of silk and down feathers, and when it was done I couldn't look away from him, I couldn't keep from touching him, playing with his hair and intertwining his hand in my own…

            When I was relaxed almost to the point of sleep he began to speak. "You were the only woman I ever truly loved…" His voice was slurred but these were not the words of a Death Eater, nor of a drunk man. "In the beginning, when I took the amulet from you, I didn't do it of my free will…then, I made the bargain and saved your life, but I never thought myself lucky enough to be with you, loving you again…I never thought you would understand or forgive me, I didn't think even you had this much room in your heart for love…" and then he was asleep and I lay sleepless, wondering what grievous sin I was about to commit. 


	12. All I Wanted was a Simple Love

A/N: I'm SO sorry this took so long to get updated…I literally haven't had the inspiration or the time since the last chapter! I have several wonderful reviewers to thank, for hassling me into posting more and actually finishing this story! Here is one more chapter, but don't worry, it's not the end. J 

DEFEATED WE RISE

By: Lily Shouk

Slowly, I let my eyes slide open, re-adjusting them to the sunlight. Then I smiled the smile of a _very_ contented man. Her arm was still slung across my chest and her breath came slowly, evenly. She still slept. 

            Life was beautiful. After six years of holding my breath and hoping, living alone and miserable and regretting everything I had ever done, things had gone my way, and I was re-united with the one woman I truly loved. When I was sixteen, I was still young and foolish; I didn't fully comprehend what true love was—I couldn't grasp how painful it would be to be separated. I didn't really realize that she was it, she was the One, there wouldn't be another. 

            Yet, my mind still questioned. All of my naïve ideals from so many years ago popped up and a deep part of me was torn, absolutely painfully _saddened_ to see this woman broken enough to give up the one thing she believed in, the one thing she had worked for, risked her life for, for a wretched, conniving man like me. 

            I still don't how it had happened, but I remember the very day that I realized I had turned into my father. I had lost my youthfulness, my hope, the shard of innocence which was my own. I was a hateful, murderous bastard, and there was absolutely no going back. No, I couldn't let this woman, this beautiful creature, the one thing I loved more than life itself, stay here, with me. I would have to set her free. 

            Agitated by this sudden realization, I jumped out of bed, startling her awake. The world froze as her eyelids opened into the cascading sunlight, confusion briefly marring her features before a look of complicity settled in.

            "Draco! How late is it?" It was strange to hear anyone call me by my first name. Usually, it was Mr. Malfoy this, Mr. Malfoy that. 

            "It's only half-past nine, Hermione." I pulled my robe around me and began to stare out of the window, trying to ignore her and sort out all the thoughts going through my head. 

*** 

            He seemed so distant, so cool, so _alone_. It was everything I could do to keep from crying. I didn't want to betray him, but I couldn't bear to be around a man so disassociated from the boy I had loved so many years before. The loving youthfulness, the desire to help another human being, _despite_ socially imposed hate, was entirely lacking. In short, Draco was the spitting image of his father. 

            Yet, only last night, after he thought I was asleep, the boy had crept out and he had said the things I had been waiting my whole life to hear. He said he had always loved me. This man was, in fact, _everything_ my heart desired. I stifled a groan and turned onto my side. Draco didn't flinch, and continued looking out of the balcony window. 

            What was I to do? I could be foolish, like I had been so many years ago, and let my heart get carried away with things, only this time, the consequences would be even worse: I would be a traitor and a Death Eater's wife. I could completely ignore my heart and destroy any remnants of love left in his heart, by betraying his trust (like he had mine), and destroying Voldemort's invincibility. 

            Unfortunately, neither option sounded particularly appealing, so I decided to stall for time. 

*** 

            "Dra—"

            "Her—"

            "Oh, sorry! Oh, no, go ahead!" We exclaimed simultaneously, all politeness and formality. 

            "Really, ladies first."

            "Oh, but it wasn't in the least bit important." 

            Well. I'll be damned. I'd finally decided to tell her the whole story, the whole truth, and she had to go try to say something. My courage was dangerously wavering. I didn't want this woman to be a Death Eater's wife. I didn't want to fight on this side of the war anymore. 

            "Hermione…."

*** 

            He whirled around to face me, my name whispering from his lips like a leaf in the breeze. His eyes were crazed and pained and my heart contracted in a mixture of pity and fear. Had he found me out? 

            "Hermione, I…I need to talk to you about that last night…you know, in the Astronomy Tower…" he paused to clear his throat "at Hogwarts." Suddenly, he was the boy I had fallen in love with and I wasn't entirely sure what had changed but my blood was rushing in my ears and my breath was caught in my throat. 

            I whispered a meager 'yes?' and he looked down at the floor and scuffed his foot along the wood, stalling for time, seeming to gather his courage. I wrapped the sheet around myself and propped up in bed. It was a wonder that a man of such repute could act so uncertain in his own home. 

            His head whipped up again and he said, very clearly, so that I could hear every word for what it was, "I never wanted to be a Death Eater. Not after I met you."

            I couldn't quite understand. Then why had he left? Why had he done all these things, why was I in a Death Eater's mansion? 

            "Do you remember that Christmas break? The one where you asked me to research your amulet?"

            I nodded a mute yes as my cheeks burned and his eyes bore into mine. Suddenly his eyes clouded over and I knew he had been transported into his memories. 

            " I was sitting alone in the library. My father had already been questioning me, he already knew something strange was going on. I had gotten a few moments alone and was researching the amulet, when I finally hit on it. I had just discovered the power you had wrapped around your neck, I had just gotten the sweet taste of success, when I noticed the shadow over my shoulder and my father asked me who had this amulet. He already knew it was you and he wanted it for his Lord." I watched as his eyes clouded over in pain and his throat reflexively swallowed. I leaned forward, wanting to jump up and grab his hand, but I knew he had to get it out, I knew, with a sharp stab of guilt, that he had been waiting to tell me for six years. 

            "He threatened me with the Cruciatus and Imperious curses, and I told him it was you. I told him I loved you and he reminded me that I had promised to serve Voldemort. I said I didn't want to and he reminded me that I didn't have a choice. I tried to defy him, being young and naïve, but he simply put me under the Imperious curse and got his way. He dictated that Christmas note, and hand-selected your Christmas present, a ring which tracked your every movement. I was powerless to stop him." Now his face was marred by a hate so deep for the man he called father that I almost shrunk away in fear. 

            "That night he threw me in the dungeons and let me starve. After a few days I realized there was only one thing to do, to protect you. I knew that if I didn't take the amulet from you someone else would, someone who didn't love you and would kill you without another thought. So I bargained with my father and I bargained with Voldemort; I promised them that I would get the amulet for them, if they, in turn, would promise to never kill you. I did what I had to do and I'm sorry." He came out of his trance and looked at me, pain lancing through his eyes, and I jumped up and ran to him, overwhelmed by his love and his purity and his righteousness. He had lived six years of hell for me, and I was planning on delivering a lifetime to him. All my previous plans were destroyed in that moment, as I threw my arms around him and showered him in kisses and he laughed and he cried. Then he cautiously pulled away, and whispered, "You don't seem so anxious to become a Death Eater's wife after all." 

            I hung my head guiltily and swallowed reflexively, under his suddenly stern gaze. "I…well, Draco…I have my own story to tell." 

*** 

            She looked up at me, cautiously, shamefully, and motioned for me to sit. Somehow, I felt like I was walking a death sentence. If she didn't want to be a Death Eater, then she'd had me…then…No. I would let her explain. I looked at her expectantly. 

            "Draco, you have to understand that when you left my whole world shattered again." I looked up, worried. Had she started cutting again? "Thanks to you, I had gotten over my self-destructive phase…" she paused and smiled at me "but, unfortunately, this left me with a huge pool of hate and frustration. As a child, I always wanted to be a teacher. After you left, after you betrayed me (you have to look at things from my point of view), I renounced that and vowed to spend my life avenging my parents' death and ending Voldemort's reign. I made it my mission to get that amulet back. I trained as an Auror, studying with the best Auror's of our time, fueled by a confused mix of hatred and love (I still loved you) which ended up making me the most powerful Auror of my class and time." She looked at me with shame and regret pasted across her face. 

            "Draco, I always loved you, but I gave up on our love being mutual. I figured, if a man could betray someone so entirely, for a beast, for insubstantial _power_, he couldn't have any grasp on love and…couldn't be hurt by my plan. I planned on using you, abusing our relationship. I planned on using you as my pawn, to complete my mission, even at the risk of my own death." She smiled ruefully, "I figured, at least I'd have a few moments with you before I died, and at least I'd avenge my parents. I'm so sorry." 

            I looked at her uncertainly. If she was apologizing, had she already done something? 

            "Hermione" my voice sounded harsh and cold and she flinched, " what have you done?"

            "I-I haven't actually done anything…I'm just sorry for what I was going to do." A lone tear slid down her cheek and she shook her head in wonder. 

            Gently, I said, "Please tell me what you were going to do."

            She looked at me and mouthed another 'sorry' before taking a deep breath and continuing. "In your parting letter you said that if I ever wished to reconsider, I was always welcome with you, as a Death Eater. I now realize you said it but didn't expect anything to come of it…but this was the beginning of my awful plan. I trained for years to be the best, strongest, fittest, smartest Auror. I finally succeeded, and was ready to put my plan into action. I hadn't even told Harry and Ron about it, really. I led the troops into the Apartments, then I went up to you and told you I'd made a mistake…from that moment on, I was playing a character, Draco. I was lying. Except…except when we made love, because, well, it would have been impossible for me to pretend." I knew she had been a virgin, but now I saw it in a whole new light; her virginity had been her trump card, filling me with a masculine pride at being the one man she had ever wanted. It had sealed her sweet deal. 

*** 

            I watched with horror as all sorts of emotions flitted across his face, settling on bitterness, and, yes, hatred. 

            "I can't believe you! You actually used your sexuality to manipulate me! Who _are_ you?" He shook his head and looked away from me in disgust, in horror. 

            "Draco!" It was all I could choke out. Did he actually think I had saved my virginity to manipulate him? I had saved it because I loved him and no one else came close. "You don't think…you don't think I would actually…" Then I was crying, crying in horror at the mess that lay before my feet. All I had wanted was a simple love, a pure love. Instead, I was left with this chaos, this infinite pit of hellish surprises. 

            "When I said I wanted to be a Death Eater, I was lying, Draco. But when said I loved you, when I made love to you, _that_ was Hermione. That was me, and that was as truthful as I'm ever going to get. It was tainted with bad intentions, but the act itself was pure and honest. You've got to believe me. _Please_, Draco." 

            Silence hung thick in the air, my stomach knotted itself, and he seemed to be evenly thinking things over. I couldn't really tell, because he'd pulled one of his tricks, and blocked all emotion from his face. "I don't really know what to say, Hermione. I feel cheated. I didn't think you were capable of doing something like that, especially to someone you said you loved. I don't know what to think or who to believe and I believe we've really dug ourselves into a mess this time." His face fell and I could see disappointment eating out his eyes. He stood up and walked over to the window, his back to me. Looking out the window, he continued to speak. "I really hate this Death Eater role. I was really hoping that I would have something come into my life which would make it worth risking, throwing away. Hermione…" Need drenched his voice but there was something else, something which made me clench in fear and I had a feeling that I was about to lose it all, lose everything I'd ever wanted, because of my stupid, frightful plan. I was an idiot, and he knew everything. I was trapped. 

            It all happened in a flash. His wand was out, then I was bound in the air and floating next to him. He shook his head and said, "I really hate to have to do this." 

*** 

            My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I loved her more than anything, but time and a war had come between us and I had chosen my place in the world long ago. I took her back to the dungeons despite a soul screaming against my every step. Because she was floating above me, her tears showered down on me like the rain, and her screams rang through the halls, echoing in terror and disbelief. 


	13. Disillusionment

_A/N__: Like I say at the beginning of every chapter now, I'm sorry it took me so long to post this! I actually wrote it months ago, but I wasn't quite satisfied and thought I would make it longer…but I figured you guys would probably be happier with a short chapter than no chapter at all, and as soon as I post this I'm going to start on chapter 14. I hope you enjoy this rather angsty chapter, despite the fact that it's pretty short! _

DEFEATED WE RISE 

Chapter 13: Disillusionment

            I ran my hand through my short red hair and sighed in agitation and deep worry. For God's sake, she could have at least told me what she really had in mind! Back in Hogwarts, Hermione had been headstrong and cocky, and she came up with crazy ways to avenge her parents. We all thought we were at the top of the world; we thought we could do anything. As time passed, we saw war, death, and sorrow. It wasn't a game anymore, and we developed suiting stratagems. All of our silly plans died away. And all those years, I thought she had given up on hers, too. We all knew it was a suicide mission and not worth it; Malfoy Manor wasn't listed on the Floo network and it would be next to impossible to reach her. 

            And yet, she had gone and done it. It had been over a day since she had invaded Trafalgar Apartments; it had been a day since she had 'abandoned' us. Right now I was the only one who knew what had really happened, and here I was, sitting all alone in my office, at the Ministry of Magic, feeling powerless and waiting for Harry to arrive. 

*** 

            I pounded my fist angrily on the mahogany desk, and then paused in horror and contemplation; this was the desk my father had beaten while trying to beat into my head the fact that love didn't exist. Here I was, a grown man and a fool, having to accept his words as truth and still finding it very difficult. I couldn't believe that I had wasted six years of my life in regret, mourning over my lost love with a woman who ended up being traitorous and conniving. _But why would she tell you everything if she didn't love you?_

            I bent my head and succumbed to a state only she could provoke. Once again, I found myself a weak man, giving in to my emotions and letting tears slide down my cheeks in bitter anguish. I wanted her to be the innocent, sweet young girl she had once been, before I had betrayed her trust and hardened her heart. _Anyone would stoop to her level if they thought they had been betrayed like that. You would have killed her. _I stood and began to pace the room, trying to reach the correct conclusion; I knew she was it, but she had become a disappointment. I felt young and spoiled and disillusioned. 

            And suddenly, it was all too much. All I'd ever wanted was a simple love, a pure love. I didn't want to be stuck with this hell. I didn't want to deal with her or think about her or have to take care of her. Having reached a decision, I acted. I stormed out of the study and into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of scotch, locked myself in my bedroom and drowned away my sorrows. 

*** 

            I lay on the stone floor in exhaustion. First I had screamed _for_ him, then I had screamed _at_ him, and then something had snapped, and I was like a rabid animal, tearing at my cage and at myself, until I was entirely spent. Now all I could do was let out little whimpering cries, relive the memories and try to put all the puzzle pieces together. 

            My heart swelled at what he had done for me, what he had sacrificed; but from fullness it contracted and bile crept up my throat. I was in _his_ dungeon. I was Draco Malfoy's prisoner, because he didn't have any forgiveness left in him. I had done a horrible thing, but I didn't think he loved me; I thought love was some childhood game that I would never really know anything of…_and I had been wrong._

            I curled into a ball on the floor and tried to stop the flood of memories. The feel of his lips on mine, his voice whispering my name, telling me he loved me…his lust for power and his lack of forgiveness, dragging me down the dungeons without so much as flinching at my screams; this was the man I loved and hated and wanted to forget with my whole heart. I curled up into a tighter ball, trying to make all the thoughts go away. I shook with anger and exhaustion, fear and cold. My heart was cold and my body shivered. I was wandless and powerless and entirely at his mercy. All I wanted was to be back in my apartment, with a bottle of cheap wine and the TV remote, foolishly dreaming dreams that would never exist, staring at his picture on a screen that would never tell me the truth. God, how I hated disillusionment. 

*** 

            "Hey, Ron. Sorry I'm so late. What did you want to talk about?"

            I took a deep breath. It was so bizarre to think that the rest of the world didn't even realize Hermione was gone. "Hey, Harry. Have a seat. Let me get you a drink."

            "Ron, you remember I swore off alcohol with Ginny when she got pregnant. I better pass."

            "I don't think you're gonna want to pass this one up. What I'm about to tell you isn't exactly either of our cups of tea." I handed him a shot of my strongest scotch and he looked at the amber liquid questioningly. Then his eyes met mine and I knew I had to go ahead and tell him. 

            "Listen, Harry…you remember how fanatical Hermione was in seventh year about avenging her parents' deaths…do you remember her plan?"

            He looked at me, pleading with his eyes that I wouldn't tell him what I had to tell him; that she had gone and done it. 

            "She didn't. She wouldn't have. You know she's not that stupid, Ron."

            "Harry, I'm sorry mate…Sirius ordered her to lead the troops into Trafalgar Apartments. I talked to her beforehand, and she said she was going to go in and pretend to be in love with him, you  know, and get the Amulet and get out. She told me that if she wasn't back by the next day to take it as a bad sign. She seemed to have all her wits about her and she seemed fine, but…maybe something snapped. You know she was still in love with him."

            Harry swallowed the scotch and put his head in his hands, ruffling through his messy black hair. Then he stood up, looking slightly crazed. "She's our best mate, Ron. What can we do?"

            "I started working on it as soon as she left, but the Malfoy Manor isn't part of the Floo network and it would take a few days to get there by broom. But, um…as Minister of Magic, I do have a few special privileges, only if we get caught …Christ, I don't know…"

            "Such as?"

            "After the war started, every wizarding house was required to have a portal. Some of the dark wizards did pull some nasty tricks which make several portals potentially life-threatening, but I _do_ have a port key which will take us right to the Malfoy door."

            "I _hate_ port keys…"


	14. This is Your Life, Good to the Last Drop

A/N: Ha! Chapter 14 up, in record time! I hope you like it (I had fun writing it)! Naturally, J.K. Rowling is the genius behind the Harry Potter books (and I hope my book five arrives soon—dying to read it!). And the title of this chapter is stolen from the movie Fight Club. 

Defeated We Rise 

_Chapter 14: This is Your Life, Good to the Last Drop_

__

"Shit! Where the bloody fuck are we?" Only I was used to seeing this side of the Minister of Magic, and despite our situation, I let myself smile a little. 

"Well, Ron, it looks like Draco set up a trap specifically designed for his favorite Minister of Magic, didn't he?" I looked up at Ron, who was halfway up a tree by now, and surveyed the spiders which coated the forest floor. We certainly weren't at Malfoy Manor. 

By this point Ron was turning green as he watched the spiders crawl up the tree trunk towards him. I decided I'd better help him out. "Leviosa!" Even I felt a little ill stepping on all those spiders as I levitated Ron out of the forest. In the far distance I could see a magnificent looking house, made of dark gray stone with a brilliant red sun setting directly behind it. "I'd say that was one of the more life-threatening port keys, eh?" I laughed a little at Ron and removed my spell. 

"I wasn't really that scared. I've been going to counseling and I've really come a long way with my arachnophobia."

"Is your counselor pretty Ms. Wright? She'd convince anyone they were doing great, but, uh…" 

"Hey!" 

            I looked at the bottle of scotch and decided to discipline myself. I'd been in the death eater business for six years now and I knew only an idiot would think they could lock Hermione in the dungeon and not expect some extra visitors. Voldemort would never forgive me if I let her escape, and I knew Harry and Ron would be arriving shortly. It was a given. 

            The first place they would look would be the dungeons. Granted, it was difficult to get down there, but they could conceivably find her. I let a small smile flit across my face. My house never failed to impress me. I'd have to put her in my mother's chambers. 

            My father was very fond of the Imperious curse, and kept my mother under it at all times. When she began to fight it, he didn't want to have to deal with her outbursts, or the potential humiliation those outbursts could cause him. He also didn't want her dead, because, as he remarked once to me, 'she was a good fuck'. So he redesigned her chambers. They were sort of like the Leaky Cauldron, because you had to be a Malfoy to see the entrance. Once inside, you could not leave unless a Malfoy decided to remove you. They were nice rooms, and there were still two house elves who took care of the rooms and any occupants. At this moment, there were no occupants. 

            I apparated down to her cell, not wanting to waste any time. She was asleep and looked entirely spent. Looking down on her, my life flashed before my eyes and I remembered the last thing my mother said to me. "Life is precious. Don't live it for others. Be your own master, and live life according to your own beliefs. Please, Draco. Don't suffer like your father, and don't put her through my hell. Promise me, Draco." I had promised, then my father had locked her back in her rooms, and a few hours later, a house elf had found her on her bed, dead. She had poisoned herself and ended her misery. And I had made a promise. 

            I went into Hermione's cell, shut the door behind me, and shook her awake. She looked at me with surprise in her eyes, and she cringed a little. I gave her back her wand, and pocketed my own. 

            "I'm sorry, Hermione." She looked at me and didn't seem to quite believe me. "Look, I know I've been acting like a psycho…its just, I'm caught between what I want and what the world expects from me. But it all boils down to the fact that I made a promise to someone and I've got to stick by it."

            "Who did you make a promise to? I…" she was clearly apprehensive. 

            "My mother. She made me promise to be my own master. She made me promise not to follow, and not to put you through this hell. I just…I just wanted the mess to be cleared up before we…I thought things would be different. I didn't want to be caught in between like this." 

            "Oh, Draco…" She sighed and stood up, then hesitantly wrapped her arms around me. "I just don't know…six years ago, I thought, no problem, we just kill Voldemort and alls well. But it hasn't worked like that. We'd have to run, and no one has been able to successfully run from him."

            He grabbed my hands and looked earnestly into my eyes. "Hermione, no one has succeeded yet, but together, I think we just might. Do you remember all those years ago, how I said I thought you would be the best match for him? My opinion hasn't changed."

            I couldn't help but let a little sob escape my mouth. The past 24 hours had been the most emotional and trying in my life, because I had felt my previous pain and loss, happiness and bliss, on top of everything happening to me now, and I was, quite simply, overwhelmed. "I didn't want it to be this way, Draco, I just wanted a simple life, I wanted to love and be loved. Why did we have to end up so much like bloody Romeo and Juliet?"

            He tightened his arms around me, and whispered "I'm determined we won't end like that, alright? I don't want to wear this bloody mask anymore. I loved you when I was sixteen and I love you now and its never changed. It never will. Life isn't worth wasting. I want you by my side, and I want us to live blissfully, grow old together, enjoy a simple life, raise beautiful, intelligent little children, get rid of this bloody hell on earth. So are you with me, or not?" He searched my eyes, and there was a little mischief mixed in with the seriousness, a slight smile, and I nodded my head and let a grin spread from cheek to cheek. 

            He wrapped me in his cloak, placed his arm over my shoulders, and opened the cell door. We didn't bother apparating; we were both so deep in thought, in love, we were oblivious to the prisoners around us, the hallway before us, the muffled expletives coming from somewhere ahead of us. 

            "We're never gonna fucking find her in this bloody maze! We're such idiots!"

            "Ron, be a little quieter. And look ahead."

            Two figures were walking towards us, and I could vaguely make out his platinum blonde hair, and her laugh. They looked like two lovers on a honeymoon, only they were walking in his dungeons. I pushed Ron up against the wall, because they hadn't seen us yet, and I wanted to hear what they were saying before we made ourselves known. This wasn't at all what I had expected. 

            "Draco, do you have any sort of plan? I mean, we're not sixteen anymore, and we've wasted six years of our lives because we didn't have a plan."

            I saw his hand squeeze her shoulder as they passed. 

            "Mmmm…well, I have a sort of vague idea. I need help hashing the actual plan out. I'm just waiting for Harry and Ron to arrive. I hope they got out of the forest alright…"

            "Harry and Ron? Why would they be coming?"

            "Hermione, you're only their very best friend. They're obviously coming to save your life."

            "And what is in the forest, Draco?" She had stopped a few feet ahead of us, hands on hips, eyebrow arched, looking every bit formidable.

            He ran his hand through his hair and shifted from foot to foot. "Ah, well…we, ah, had to give the Ministry a port key to the manor…so I, ah…tailored it to the Minister…"

            "Which means?"

            "Listen, Hermione…uh, well, it leaves you in a forest, infested with spiders…I'm sure Harry got him out of it just fine…just a little shock, really…"

            "Draco! He's a complete arachnophobic! Oh, poor, poor Ron!" 

            I motioned for Ron to step forward at that moment. 

            "Don't worry, Hermione. I'm quite fine, really. You see, I've been getting counseling…"


End file.
